:: hurt ::

actually, i just wanted to bring this across without much focus.

but thinking of it again and again, i've realised that it is far too important to me that i can't just bring it off with the mention of a few words. this is my online diary, where i a record of issues close to my heart.

other people's blogs might serve other purpose, for me, i just want to keep things to myself, so that in years to come, when i look back at my entries, i will know these were the things that fascinated me, and those were what i went through, at that point of time, such things happened, and that was how i felt then.

i know everyone is open to their own perspective and things, and some choice of words used might be misinterpreted. if i try to clarify things, i feel, it would just make things worse, really.

so for the past few days, a very close friend of mine brought up an issue with something i wrote some time back. immediately after i received the "feedback", i was irrate, and thought i had to explain some things and clarify any doubts so as not to affect our friendship.

and i did just that.

now, looking back and reading post again, i think readers might have been mistaken by my choice of words. i don't want to specifically state the words, post, or anything. but i just want to tell all, that you might have got it wrong. that verbal explanation is best.

unlike people who uses blogs as a tool to hurt, i take absolutmilo as a site for me to express my desires and thoughts, in no way harming anyone, i hope. aggravated i may be, but i try not to be over opinionated unnecessarily. and i'm definitely not someone who pin points other's fault. i always express thoughts and concerns based on the majority's viewpoints. i don't mind if you say that i do not have my own stand. i have no problems with that. (although i must say that i actually have my viewpoints, but i never enforce it upon others).

at other details of the "feedback", all i can say, is that i feel dumb writing the reply back so fast. because after much thinking, i feel wronged. philosophically, though the person might not mean it that way, the whole feel of the entry gave me the weird sensation that they think of me in a complete different light, and that i'm but a wild thinker who lives in an unrealist world. (then again, i believe, too much details).. i feel bad being doubted. really. i cried last night when i thought of the issue again. what gave him or her such impression? why does he or she think that what i'm doing is so and so, and that everything was just my own indulgence and fantasy? do i need to? for the love i get, do i need to fake anything? what is the motive?

hurt. my mind is in a constant whirlwind over this "feedback". why. what has caused this utter distrust between friends? i am really sad and hurt.

but i'm not going let all this bring me and my life down. after typing this out, it makes me feel so good. i did not break any promise to myself. i will just carry on my normal life, enjoying my days and all that i'm busy with.

my life is always open for you to understand. its your choice whether or not to step into and be part/enjoy/view it. nothings gonna change. and everything is real. definitely. real!

miloboi says: "never felt so great and relieved."