:: thinking through things ::

I sit down
looking through my stuffs
and thinking through the many happenings
that has happened during this holidays
and as i plan for the next week or so
and for the new semester..

Love:
its a complicated thing
between 2 persons
even more so between 2 guys
especially between 2 people who are so different
in many ways
yet sharing the same passion in life
and in this real world
real things happen
and feelings get tweaked

there's too much between us
and around us
for me not to feel tired
but because we love each other so much
we are able to look past these things
and appreciate each other
forget about the flaws
forgive one and others' misdemeanors
and love on like nothing happened..
i wish
this will stay on..
and on..

was at a class chalet i spearheaded
and am I glad that although the turnout was small
but we had fun
and bonded well
i had a chance to bond with the people were going to
be in the same class as me
and we talked also about many things
about class
about life
it was..
nice:)

attended BBE YEC's first meeting..
was a nice session selecting the committee
and the various office bearers..
there's going to be a lot to learn from
being a grassroots leader
in this youth group
and i look forward to working with this dynamic bunch of people
from different walks to life
to organise events for my constituency
and making friends in my neighbourhood
btw..
after little rounds of "elections" and "votings"
i am part of the sports and wellness team,
as well as the New Media and Publicity Secretary..
interesting..
as i hope to hone my skills in design and publication
doing publicity works and such
as well as maintaining good new media health
in the group.
might be able to apply wat i learn from webby design in the new sem..

currently out of dragonboating for awhile
because since i left for vietnam till now
my weekends are all jam packed
so..
no river regatta and db trainings for me this half year..:(

as for my new style in the new sem
i've decided
that i should be a fashion boy like i've always targetted
and go all out in dressing everyday
i've bought a big new collection for this sem
and hope to create new styles that will blow ppl's mind
and upping my own style quotient
to go well with my new fashion blog i plan for next year
as well as our little designing tees business:)
my great clothes collection from uniqlo n topman n river island n g2000
all waiting for me:)

that also brings me to another point..
i'm broke
and my lines are cut off temporary again..
i need to get a work
and try to pay off things for myself..
i dun noe how long more i can sustain a lifestyle like tt
without working
and i feel bad when i swipe the card each time..
well well..
any good job offers to fit my timetable?

and fitness calls..
i need to get a healthy lifestyle
gym n swim.,.
alot alot alot next sem..
loose weight!
with determination and sheer spirit.
i believe!!

alot in my mind
weighing me down..
if u don't see me smile so much
u understand
i've too much load
going through too much
i only hope to do my best in each section
and excel!

for now
i think i need to concentrate and enjoy whatever i have

HMS leadership camp from mon-thurs..
well well..
looking for other commitments..
and also job+money:)

:: The Answer Is... ::

Just returned from stefanie's concert..
and it did make me think quite a bit..

been a rather hectic day,
attended a cooking class in the morning which I thought was rather "fei4"..
then went to dragon boating again..
felt good, although it can be a little tiring..
everyone has a passion
and weirdly, i seem to really want to get aquainted with watersport..
well well..
so back to kallang on saturdays, will be more positive, make friends..
and enjoy my saturday workouts + fun session + tanning session!!

The highlight of the day had to be Stefanie Sun Yanzi's 2009 world tour..
"The Answer Is.."
I am truly blown away by the show, completely!
it was awesome to the max, especially the STAGE!
its the most amazing stage I've seen in my entire concert watching life..
the show was so well planned, with the diamond cut background setting,
and endless changes..
It was a grand style concert I have never seen before!
and the costumes..
it made Stef shine like a confident, mature, radiant lady..


but i must still talk about the stage..
the many transformations and "ji guans" it has is simply amazing..
with just plain white light, it looks rather ordinary..
but when the strobe lighting comes on.. whoa!! tan4 wei2 guan1 zhi3 la!!
the whole lighting on the wonderfully down holed stage backdrop transformed the audience
into another fascinating world.. no bluff wor!
the different raisers and platforms were amazing..
the piano playing section was magnificent..
as stef "floated" in in a moving "cloud.." beautiful!
when it was near the ending.. the "rocks" by the side
was uncovered to reveal the great band who was working "backstage" throughout!

it was the best show I've watched..

the only gruntle i have was that there were not enough fast songs to get the audience standing on thier feet.. although i enjoyed all the songs..
i particularly did not really enjoy "green light" due to its arrangement.. abit la...

the final part when the stage extension moved out and rotated was another highlight..
and also when the image of her projected on a screen singing..

all these has to be experienced live at SIS for one to admire the whole beauty la!
seriously!

the title "The Answer Is.." was very cleverly brought out through the different segments..
but mainly, the key idea was that one should do whatever he/she wants to..
without much restrictions.. enjoying one's every moment, appreciating what he/she has..
that is the Happiness.. and that is the answer.. to life's never ending question..

I was inspired.. to take everything in my way..
to plan my daily live properly
to not waste any more time
and to try spending wisely from now on..
be a man that can be trusted and be a man of dignity..
excel in everything
at least attempt them..
don't give empty promises..
or dream too far out..
be realistic in the goals i set
and achieve them!

Be myself and be happy..
I hope that is the answer to my life's neverending question
and yours too!

:: Pinkdot . 爱的权力 ::

5月10日是历史性的一天。500多人，身穿粉红服饰，聚集在芳林公园，制成一个巨大的粉红点。


媒体会说，这是个示威，为同性恋者争取利益的示威，但我不赞同。
这是一个让世界知道，新加坡是个开放的社会。我们并不是在争取权利，而只不过是想分享我们的爱。


这是有史以来第一次那么多位GLBT（gay，lesbian，transgender，bisexual）一同为一个理念而站出来。当中，更有许多是straight异性恋者。但所有人都相信，如新加坡这繁荣的社会，不应该有对弱小族群的歧视。


我们应该是个包容的社会，尊重彼此，让大家都有这生活的权利，有选择爱的权利。


在傍晚六点钟，当所有人聚集时，一同举起手中的粉红气球与雨伞是，在其中的我，感觉到的是自豪、骄傲、光荣。这是向前行的新加坡。活动代言人，本地戏剧演员，已婚的异性恋者，梁瑞琳（Neo Swee Lin）在台上表示，她支持的是爱，因为我们人类都需要爱。＂我们出生、入土都是独自一人，在短短的几十年人生，不应该单独一个人过。＂


我和一群相信自己，相信自由的朋友，以及多为相信爱的国人，一同度过了u一个开心，有意义的下午。我们带走的，是感动，骄傲，和全新唤醒的爱的理念。


无论Aware风波造成的对同性恋者的敌意，无论法律条规377A是否被撤消，我们要的，不过是一群朋友，一同相信爱的人。


期待在明年参与更大一粒粉红点。为爱，努力！

:: 法克这个人 ::

近在逛CD店时，留意到了这张专辑。

专辑封面就把“法克”这两个字放得超大。

这是台湾新人萧闳仁的第二张个人创作专辑。

或许对很多人来说，萧闳仁是个陌生的名字。

但我本身早已在他发第一张专辑时就已经留意到这位“音乐新鬼才”了。

可惜的是，他在台湾以外都没什么运气，专辑更是叫好却不叫座。

长相没什么特别的他，样子的辨识度就被大打折扣了。

刚好他出道发片期，又和另一群音乐天才如怪咖卢广众和萧敬腾等碰上，

公司宣传不足，害了他。

但这第二张专辑《法》却惹来了不少是非。

虽然音乐创作水准有维持在相当高的水平，

也受到“圈内人”相当大的肯定，

然而，较有争议性的专辑名称使这专辑受到了限制。

首先，许多电台，也就是音乐专辑最主要的宣传管道，

被禁播专辑中的原本主打，同名歌曲《法克那个人》。

虽然顶上了另一首主打《爱的黑狗兄》，

也的到不少电台音乐总监的推荐，

但由于DJ们都无法念出专辑名称，

而无法“宣传”专辑。

所以，到底如此带有争议性的专辑名称，

到底是帮了他，还是害了他呢？

我任为是有帮也有害，真正的结论，

还是要看庞大的中文音乐市场如何反应。

以一个青少年的关店来看，我会因为歌曲好听而去买。

我也会因为好奇《法克这个人》真正的意思而去听。

根据最新台湾g-music风云榜来看，

专辑销量过了五个星期却只在二十大徘徊，

的确会让歌手担心。或许是时候到东南亚来做宣传了吧。

《法克这个人》其实是个虚拟的人物，

是说两个朋友马克和法克的故事。

我觉得可爱的是，

首批专辑附送了印有“法克”字眼的“机车口罩”。

是超可爱的。

换另外一个角度来看，

这也教我们不应该单平一个主题或名称去下定论。

这张专辑，一点也不粗俗，蛮好听的。

俗话说：坏的宣传总好过没有任何宣传（自编的）。

希望大家能尝试去听听杰出音乐人的努力。

那你对《法克这个人》，又有何看法？

会对萧闳仁感兴趣，去听他的歌吗？

还是认为这是个低俗的文字游戏，而“抛弃”好音乐呢？

:: 你Aware吗？::

新加坡女性权利与行动小组（Aware）今天在新加坡402展厅举行的特殊常年会议（extraordinary general meeting ) ，或许是新加坡由史以来最轰动，混乱的私人组织“暴动”。

Aware自三月份的常年会议至今，一直受到大家的关注。从聘用DBS信用卡部门副总裁Josie Lau为新管委会主席，到近日掀起的宗教纷争，同性恋者歧视性教育课程纠纷，都是因为“女性权利领导者”（feminist mentor) Thio Siu Mien 引领的。由于故事太长，我也就不在去解说，相信同学们比我更了解。

如今，Aware“两大派”的纷争主要是在于Aware启蒙成员（old guard）对新加入的成员和新的执委会感到不满，认为他们有着私下的反抗议题为主加入Aware。而新执委（new guard) 则坚持自己的信念，希望能够一改Aware近年来的“过错”。这批新执委其中有多人是亲戚，也是在Aware常年选举之前几个星期才加入的成员。他们其中也有多数是来自同一所教会，位于马格列通道的救主之堂（church of our saviour)。

前几天，该教会的主牧师更是表示有在教会的网站以及祷告会中要求会员到今天的大会为“姐妹们”加持。过后，该牧师更是为言行举止深感歉意。毕竟新加坡是个多元种族，文化与信仰的国家，我们不应该把个人理念强迫大人认同，更不应该硬逼他人接受自己信仰的教法。

近日的会议至今也得到了明显的结论，虽其中的Drama的确有点过火。

（最新消息：不信任新执委会投票结果：New guard (红衫军）761票，Old Guard （白衫军）1414票）

会议上全程乱一通，明显表示对红衫军的不满。其中NMP Siew Kum Hong 更是扮演着相当重要的角色。他虽然是男性，无法参与投票，但却到场为白衫军加持，更为广大民众申冤。现在，虽投票结果已经呈现在眼前了，但Josie与伙伴却坚持不肯歇下职位，明显表现出非常霸道的行为。（不信任票其实并不表示他们失去委员职位，但已失去大家的支持，应该“自动一点”）

红衫军如此不干脆，不直接，做事鬼鬼祟祟，不透明，真的是相当卑鄙。为女性争取权利还是为自己的信念与信仰牟利？只有他们自己知道。如果真的是不满之前Aware的企划与行为，他们应该做的，是自己开设另一个行动小组，而不是这样一低下的手法得到权利，霸占他人的组织。

这整件事今后又会演变到什么地步，无人知道。但人人都持有己健，应该做的是互相包容，使这国家繁荣。继续纠缠也是没有用的。

但我自己留意了这件事哪么久，只能说，我相信这不是终点。Drama相信会在接下来几天继续越演越烈。不知大家对Aware事件持有什么看法，这是个小组内的争论，还是同性恋者与“家庭概念”的冲突，或是有着宗教信仰的敏感争议呢？

（其实要说的还很多，故事还很长，但打到手累了，就在此结笔。对我来说，投票过后，我赢了。爱，不分你我，sorry to the Thios， *Boo*！）

*整段post是在会议举行的最后几个小时内写的，本作者心情混乱，若有得罪任何人，请多包容。文章纯属作者个人意见与主张，如有雷同，纯粹巧合。*


*********************************************************************

on a sideline, do check out the full details of the EGM today from..

Wayang Party
cruz teng 丁志勇
The Online Citizen

oh ya, and remember to get a Shut up and Sit Down tee shirt!!

:: Mahjong SuperCup 2008 ::

adapted from sistic website...

The first SuperCup Mahjong Competition in Taiwan had attracted 15372 participants, and was awarded by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s largest mahjong tournament. The 2,000 competitors played in 500 tables in the first match had also broken the record for the highest number of mahjong tables in a single match. The Competition had led the trend of mahjong playing in the world and helped present Taiwan mahjong on the global stage. These glorious achievements will be the foundation of the SuperCup in organizing global chess and card competitions.

Now, the Mahjong SuperCup 2008 Competition will begin in Taiwan, Mainland China, Japan, Singapore, U.S. and Canada, etc. We invite you to join us in our making of a new page in the Guinness Book of Records!

Mahjong SuperCup 2008 is hosted by SuperCup Entertainment (Holdings) Limited, the Finals will be held in Macao Grand Waldo Hotel. Total prize money is USD 560,000, The Champion is USD 330,000, 2nd place is USD 100,000, 3rd place is USD 50,000, 4th place is USD 20,000, 5th – 16th is USD 3,000 and 17th – 32nd is USD 1,500. As mandated by the government of Macau, a 5% Stamp Tax will be deducted from all prize money payments made to all players, regardless of nationality.

Date: 13-14 December 2008 (2 days event)

Time: 8:30am on both days

Venue: Macau Grand Waldo Hotel
Avenida Mariginal Flor De Lotus, Taipa, Macau

Duration: Approx 14.5 hrs (3 interval 180min each)

Ticket Price: Standard - S$2268 (2 Days Event)

* Airfares, Accommodation & Meals are NOT included.

Amazing but true..

so.. how much will it cost overall?

if i were to ever to be there..

i guess i would be broke just buying tickets and paying for accomodations..

but thinking of it..

its a du sheng competition

so only the rich and the elite will be there..

well.. any sponsors for miloboi??

:: for WAD ::

what a nice concert to show off the best local talents
as well as driving the message across
of World Aids Day

close to 3000 people packed their picnic baskets
and joined a rousing concert to mark World AIDS Day
which falls on 1st Dec 2008.
celebrities like Electrico, Hossan Leong, three divas,
Dim Sum Dollies, Hady Mirza
and Stefanie Sun belted out familiar tunes and stand up acts
and sharing love with all
spreading the messages associated with AIDS.

its a really good concerted effort
in a relatively conservative asian country like Singapore
where the idea of Aids irks people
and many are not well informed of the causes,
and vulnerability of other human around,
and how the disease is spread
the onset of it
possible ways of prevention
and many other related stuffs..

Isaac isn't here to preach abstinence
(its not really in his dictionary.. haha)
but I hope to help spread the message that
prevention if the only way out for AIDS
because there is currently no cure
so please,
prevent from having unprotected sex, guys..
keep to one partner,
and if you are afraid,
go for an anonymous AIDS testing
(its better to know it early, for there are medical aid out there..)
there is a 3 months window period
so do go for more than just one test to be sure
(its anonymous, no one knows who you are.. unless you are a friend of the tester la..)

and for those who think you might never contract AIDS,
please be informed..
you cannot get it from sharing of common facilitites like water cooler, swimming pool
nor sharing food and utensils.
however
you can get it from sharing needles
unprotected sex
and childbirth from a contracted mother
(amongst other says)
and NO! mosquitoes who sting a AIDS patient wouldn't spread it!

for those of you who might unfortunately have contracted HIV/AIDS
tell your family and friends
and family and friends..
please don't shun them
they need your love and concern
it is only if the entire society is kept informed
and educated about how to go about dealing with the topic of AIDS/HIV
then we can progress.
share our love
in the right way.

as we remember the many who have succumbed to AIDS/HIV
we shall come as one
to combat it
and stop the spreading.
be a responsible human being.
do what you can to stop it.
show your love.

log on to the website to know more about what you can do.

:: confidence ::

that's what I lack now

totally

absolutmilo from CITS south spine computer room . 27 minutes before EE2001

:: roller coaster ride! ::

its examinations week next week
and its going to be a hell of a roller coaster ride
with many things cramped up! oh my god!
emotional and mental torture.. be prepared..

yesterday
watched Avenue Q
its really funny
and wat i watch out more is the story development, characters and production
its a great set and storyline
but i guess its a show for the masses..
noting much technocal to note of
but nonetheless
its a really great performance
since many of the show's 3 weeks run has been fully booked.
will remember the songs like "if you were gay", "internet is for porn" and "It sucks to be me".
well
i'm now listening to the Broadway original cast recording
a really nice memory of a great musical!
anyone wants can borrow from me and have a great laugh at the songs..

read a few comments and reviews about Gemuk Girls by The Necessary Stage
i seems to be a great play
in theatrics and script
but too bad..
just when i wanted to get tickets
its all sold out le!

but I'm gonna catch Flare ( a play bout live during n after a earthquake in a neighbouring country)
by Cake Theatrical and The Finger Players
quite looking forward to it
coz its really interesting to see two companies which i like and are pretty known to be good companies..
hope dearie will be able to watch it with me

that brings me back to another topic
watched Ave Q with weizhi yesterday
because someone was busy
and couldn't make it

well well..
sometimes
i really hope he can relax and take things in different perspective
i hope he can see things through other's life
who knows what happens
he is sometimes domineering
just the way i like it
but then
there are times when i feel he hould think of what people really want
and not simply wat he perceives

sometimes
i might say i'm tired
like really "tired"
because i don't just want to be pampered
i want to be a bigger part of your life
not just someone who gets your love
or how it appears to be "love"

its not easy
you might say again
you don't know what young people think
but hey
if i can understand you and what you really want
mayb you can try to reciprocate that as well
i know work is tough
and you are one who knows how to work hard n play hard
and seperates the two apporpriately

probably you need to separate your social life from mine
i know your friends
but do you know mine?

there are things you do with your friends
and try to pull me in when i might not be interested
then there are other activities
which you simply count me out
you don't seem to care about anyting at all

on the long run
i really don't understand you
your stand on things
and what you are really looking for
your fast changing attitude makes me feel lost
98% of the time
i enjoy the many things
but its the little things that matters more

hopefully
by saying you love me
we can integrate each other into one another's life
and not just say so

be it..
if we are going to live together (forever? long term? i don't know. though i know you want to.. ?)
we have to balance. merge. move on.

sometimes
being simplistic is the best
get back to your roots of being the child-like boy when you are with me
think of being simple
thats easier.. to think and do..
haha.. now i am at a lost myself.. what do i really want??

**ps: anyone wants to go Zoukout, watch Snow white and the seven dwarfs by Wildrice, First Light by Toy Factory, Lee Guitars All Stars Concert, please contact me!**

:: death day draws near ::

i hate it
i so so know that exams is just less than a week away
yet
i feel like everyday
i'm just going to waste
ya..
how sucky is that

its actually quite scary
to know tt you might not make it
yet don't seem to be putting enough effort..

i need a push..

some power hands
do your job!!

:: while the rest of the world... ::

... gets busy with political turmoil..

isaac plans to write a political play.. hahaha...
and tries to avoid politics..

... gets busy with financial crisis...

isaac is also setting himself into a personal financial crisis..
but i doubt anyone would use a bailout to save me..

... has presidents "quitting"

isaac is getting himself overly busy with a million and one things
even if somethings he can't explain..
doesn't know what to do..
feels dumb
gets bored
completely puzzled by plans and arrangement
doubts his own ability and capability
and feels like quitting on some matters..

... has terrorist attacks..

isaac doesn't understand whagt the heck are they thinking..

... financial markets and large company turns over

isaac seems ambivalent
isaac is also neutral to such
he is an idiot, really..

... when the local theatre scene is proceeding

isaac seems to be letting his creativity backflow
and starts to think of ways writing plays with same ideas..
he needs to wake up..

...is troubled over milk

he just wants to make some lame jokes out of the milk brand names..

...is moving on F1 success

he wants to avoid Marina area at all cost this week..

...everyone is enjoying their recess

Isaac is going to be so busy this week
or so he thinks..

...people want a healthier lifestyle

Isaac wants too, but
despite exercising a whole lot
but eats even more
especially at unearthly times
which makes him fat

Isaac wants too many things
but he can't be
and he needs someone to constantly alert him
that he is not superman

someone.. anyone..

miloboi says: "being alone lets you think more,
about the endless possibilities..
and not needing to concern yourself too much
about the feeling..
or what is love, really.."

:: shows to watch . monetary crisis ::

i need to work for my money soon
if not the way i go
my card will go boom
and the companies will be chasing me like those gangster films..

i need money to pay for many things..
bills.. show tickets.. food..
so many things i want..
so little money..
haiz~

anyways.. here's a list of the shows i'm gonna catch in the following few months..
21 Sept (sun) 8pm - SRT's Boom
4th Oct (Sat) 8pm - A*mei Star Tour Singapore Concert
1st Nov (Sat) 8pm - Lee Hom Music Man Tour Singapore Concert
2nd Nov (Sun) 3pm - Avenue Q
28th Nov (Fri) 4pm - SRT's The Office Party

shows i want to watch..

First week of oct - The Vagina Monologue (By zebra crossings)
18th Oct - Sandy Lam Live in Singapore
25th Oct - Singapore Hits Awards
29th Nov - Lee Guitars All Star Concert
(feat. Emil Chau, Tanya Chua, MayDay, Zhang Zhenyue and Lee zhong shen)
13th Dec - Andy Lau Wonderful World Tour Singapore Concert

place i NEED to go!!
ZOUKout 2008!
yeah!
its coming..

on a sidenote..
i'm forced to join a gym
i hope i will like it
its an investment worth making
but for the sake of the better..
well well..

fats.. fats.. go away..
don't come again another day...
never!!

anyone wana go swimming?
sentosa tanning or running?
gymming?
badminton?
volleyball?
bowling?
ice-skating?
next week!!! recess!~

:: respect. and some dumb people.. ::

I'm not a blog hopper
only reading some blogs sometimes
i dun really like reading chinese blogs
maybe because its too taxing on me (tiring la..)

so..
it took me sometime to go read this blog on omy
after reading endless recommendations and critiques on this entry from
several local DJs, newswriters, musicians, and friends..

so i decided to read it
and it gave me quite an exciting insight..
if you haven't heard about the spat on the Singapore Blog Awards
organised by OMY
go read this blog and the comments
you will understand the whole issue..

its really worth reading
makes you think..
(great GP study article, in my viewpoint..)

most of the comments are constructive and haas much thought put into them..

my respects to Danny Yeo
i understand where you come from
and blogging is just an avenue to speak your mind
to the "student" well
you are entitled to your "viewpoints" as well
but.. be cautious..

*read the whole article, take your stand on whether Danny is right
then read comments #7, #16, #20 and #135...
amongst others..

:: Piling . Troubles ::

i've got everything piling up the way it shouldn't be
and as i look back
I really haven't changed for the better
the way it ought to have gone..
oh no..

troubles are all piling up my way
5 weeks in school and entering the 6th
I am just afraid that I've taken on a little too much!
(once again..)

I've got educational trouble..
organisational trouble..
sports and physical trouble..
monetary trouble..
relationship trouble..

heres a summary..

education troubles:
-project piling up, especially for HW210.. its a sucky project, though it seems essential..
-tutorials.. they are secretly piling up, and I seemed to have missed a lesson or two sometimes..
-thus leading up to missed tutorials and lectures.. notice the s behind? oh no.. how? i need to seek the real importance and the meaning of studies in life for myself and prioritise. plan my life properly..
-and because i've missed the above, the tests coming up will be damn fierce. though it might juz be tests, but things add up, and i hope it will not be in a bad way. I'm going all out to mend these holes, i promise!
-I need to buck up of my school work, desperately..

organisational troubles..
-as u may know,
I have joined a few main committees this year after a bad year in onli sub-committees last year. and as they say, the job is fiercer. oh no.. so the work is really getting heavier and i need to "wake up" my idea and get things done so as to not fail or give up in any of the projects..
anyways, the election for Epiphany main com is tomorrow! yeah! fingers crossed!
(I've currently got CAC JDC and Impresario to take care of.. both PnP posts.. well well)

sports and physical trouble..

-I am fat
-I am unfit
-I've got IPPT coming
-I've not trained well enough..
-I can only run (long distance, not 2.4 n 4X10m..)
-I got tedious dragonboat training which i hope helps.
-i've regular runs thanks to a certain person..
-I am still fat despite trainings and my physiques in not building up.
-i hate that!

monetary troubles...
-really, officially, i am POOR.
-i'm near bankrupt.
-my 4 bank accounts are running on less than 2 or 3 figure sums.
-my three credit cards are running on debts.
-i'm afriad each time the statement comes each months.
-why does time past so fast?
-where am i going to get money to pay
-why am i still in the blur and keep spending endlessly without the constant effort to thrift and spend less despite knowing i HAVE to?
-i am officially a "ka-nu" slave to my cards

relationship troubles:
-for those who do not know
-i've got a 31 year old partner
-who is quite prominent in the circle due to some unspecified reason
-who is desperate to get into a stable "family environment"
-but travels around the world for holiday/work so so often
-and loves sports to much that pressurizes me..
-he is a freakin' 6-pac believer
-and a uber IT professional and closetted entrepreneur wanabe
-who happens to have a military background.
-and is a guy.
-the trouble?
-well..
it is about me acknowledging his existance to my friends
-who might be able to take it, or may be homophobics..
-another challenge:
-he takes care of me too well.
-i feel insecure
-yet he offers a great sense of security
-and now officially wants to have an official "union"
-but it sounds good. but i dun know what will happen next time.
-or even the near future.
-i'm afraid of my poisition in school, friends, family, society...

troubles...

:: squeeze me dry ::

the series of camps is drying me out
really
be it just being a programmer cum senior attached in hall camp
(for onli 2 days till date)
or be it as a fake freshie cum siao on group leader..

i'm badly deprived of sleep
looking tanned (or should i say chao tah)
sleepy and unstable
sunken face
but constantly trying to look good..

the weather this week is amazingly hot
just the opposite of last week

today i'm suppose to be playing paintball and dragon boating and going on amazing race
and shi zi lu kou vers 2.01 with the people in Taser
but i'm so tired
i've decided to do something else less taxing but more dreaded
that is so settle the stuffs that have been piling up
my family stuffs, business stuffs, education stuffs, financial stuffs, drama stuffs..

i've been running around more
albeit alone and more freedom
but i met some people around and they all seem to be so relaxed
while i look at a completely diminished stress ball..

its alright..
just some time more to go
it will all be over and i can enjoy my school life
drained off all these extra activities
and concentrate on my studies..

haiz~

:: hurt ::

actually, i just wanted to bring this across without much focus.

but thinking of it again and again, i've realised that it is far too important to me that i can't just bring it off with the mention of a few words. this is my online diary, where i a record of issues close to my heart.

other people's blogs might serve other purpose, for me, i just want to keep things to myself, so that in years to come, when i look back at my entries, i will know these were the things that fascinated me, and those were what i went through, at that point of time, such things happened, and that was how i felt then.

i know everyone is open to their own perspective and things, and some choice of words used might be misinterpreted. if i try to clarify things, i feel, it would just make things worse, really.

so for the past few days, a very close friend of mine brought up an issue with something i wrote some time back. immediately after i received the "feedback", i was irrate, and thought i had to explain some things and clarify any doubts so as not to affect our friendship.

and i did just that.

now, looking back and reading post again, i think readers might have been mistaken by my choice of words. i don't want to specifically state the words, post, or anything. but i just want to tell all, that you might have got it wrong. that verbal explanation is best.

unlike people who uses blogs as a tool to hurt, i take absolutmilo as a site for me to express my desires and thoughts, in no way harming anyone, i hope. aggravated i may be, but i try not to be over opinionated unnecessarily. and i'm definitely not someone who pin points other's fault. i always express thoughts and concerns based on the majority's viewpoints. i don't mind if you say that i do not have my own stand. i have no problems with that. (although i must say that i actually have my viewpoints, but i never enforce it upon others).

at other details of the "feedback", all i can say, is that i feel dumb writing the reply back so fast. because after much thinking, i feel wronged. philosophically, though the person might not mean it that way, the whole feel of the entry gave me the weird sensation that they think of me in a complete different light, and that i'm but a wild thinker who lives in an unrealist world. (then again, i believe, too much details).. i feel bad being doubted. really. i cried last night when i thought of the issue again. what gave him or her such impression? why does he or she think that what i'm doing is so and so, and that everything was just my own indulgence and fantasy? do i need to? for the love i get, do i need to fake anything? what is the motive?

hurt. my mind is in a constant whirlwind over this "feedback". why. what has caused this utter distrust between friends? i am really sad and hurt.

but i'm not going let all this bring me and my life down. after typing this out, it makes me feel so good. i did not break any promise to myself. i will just carry on my normal life, enjoying my days and all that i'm busy with.

my life is always open for you to understand. its your choice whether or not to step into and be part/enjoy/view it. nothings gonna change. and everything is real. definitely. real!

miloboi says: "never felt so great and relieved."

:: congratulations ::

congratulations to David Cook for winning American Idol.

congratulations to David Archuleta for being runner up. (i still prefer you)

congratulations to Parvati for winning Survivor.

congratulations to Ozzy, Erik and Natalie (Survivor Micronesia)
for making it thus far. (i hearts all of you)

congratulations to all those who got a place in NTU Halls next year.. (although i hate you, i shall reserve that, and pray i will get my room.. fingers crossed)

congratulations to myself for making it to NDP'08.

and hopefully
i will prioritise my things, right.

hearfelt congratulations.
and thanks for making my life more beautiful.

:: to one of my best friend ::

thank you.

for making me feel everything in a different light.

for making me see things beyond superficial.

for being so true to me.

for trying to understanding me.

for your care and concern.

for being my friend.

i hope to clarify your doubts, and to be able to understand each other more.
i'm not sure if after this, will we really be able to see eye to eye on matters.
but i know that you tried. and i try. and we try, together.

i'm sorry if my words hurt you.

but more often than not,
this blog is just a diary to myself,
a way of remembering my emotions at a certain point of time,
in no way way am i trying to exclaim any annoyance to anyone.

dearest bestest friend,

you will always be.

i hearts you!!

:)

:: shopping spree ::

i went to Isetan and Topman closed door private sale today.
and grabbed clothes, bags, watches, underwears and spent more than $500.

WOW!

but i really enjoyed myself.

although the queues were Looooooooonnnng...

and damn frustrating.

but looking at the amount of money I saved, i felt good.. or should i say, great!

Give Isaac retail therapy.. anytime!

:: lazy ::

feeling lazy these few days
even after the party
don't really know why
but i suddenly feel i lost a big aim in life...
hahahaha

it feels nice to be with my dearie again
love love love.. hehe
this is so completely random
although the situation between the two of us are quite strange now
because we are so lovey dovey..
yet..
because of a statement/request he mentioned earlier today
i just feel.. strange
i dun noe how to face it
really.. i need time.. not ready yet..

i really wanna upload the photos we took last weekend..
but i feel lazy now.. yup..
will find one good and fine days to do it.. soon..:)

for now.. my aim will be tmr.. to go Isetan sale and topman sale (both private ones)..
will be spending quite a sum.. oops..

haiz~
suddenly there is a big mish mash of things going on now
and my hall dnd stuffs i need to settle.. hmm.. holiday leh.. busy busy busy..

lazy lazy lazy..

what to do? hope to be enjoy this weekend first!

clubbing weekend this weekend ahead.. play, st james.. yup..

i just want to be happy..

maybe..

maybe..

its TIME!!!