:: 执着 ::

试想想，为什么要对某种事物与事项如此执着呢？
你弄得自己有那么多的埋怨、那么不快乐，又何苦呢？

saw some people insisting that their creativity are being restricted by others
and that if others have a say in their work
it is no longer their work

think of it
in a workplace
someone gives you some autonomy to create a piece
then after that, they give critical comments and hope that you change..
you will have to make amendments right?
you can't insist that your creativity has been forsaken
and that the amended work is totally not my idea
forgoing the fact that the main creation was pretty much yours, eh?

in life
we should really take a step back
if you really have great ideas and are really perfect
then you will have the right to ask the other to shut up

but creativity and art is intrinsic
the value of it varies from person to person
and what you think is perfect might not actually be

look at it this way
if you are an artist and have created a masterpiece
and people say its good, then good, sell it or keep it
for all it values

but if people say they dun like it
ok, accept the fact that some people dun like your work
there might be people who appreciate it
there might be people who dun
you can't force it upon others, eh?

school assignments n results varies
and especially in humanities n arts
there is no perfection
some people might like your creation
theres a set of rules
seeing from some technical viewpoints
thats why your scored in that technicality


dun assume that you are fabulous every time once you get A once
i have come to accept the fact..


why persist? does it make you happy?

:: exams and a good new year ::

1. exams are tomorrow. i feel... ill prepared.. oh my!

2. the past week, i've met people who are all too serious about life, it scares me. or maybe its just my live and let live attitude that makes me worried.. not too sure if i'm worried about myself or for others..

3. i realised that results are of utmost importance to me. but more often than not, i give up halfway. its bad, i know, but its like a nature to me. wrong wrong mentality that i must change.

4. new year was okay. nothing special. like what gregagoogoo says, quarter-life crisis. how to get out of this rat race and impossible life woth a million thoughts but with none fulfilled? what do i really want? lost...

5. switching tracks are what i keep thinking of. at this age, how many more times can i do that? can't keep rellying on my mum already..

6. as i write this post, my heart really feels hard and thumping. tsk tsk. emotional. so emotional that i could cry. gotta work hard!

7. just went to bai taisui earlier in the afternoon. first time i went. eye opening experience. i'm not a religious person, but since "tigers" crash with a certain god almost every other year, and my life hasn't been exactly that smooth every now and then, maybe a little contribution and chants might help. for a smooth life and some peace and happiness...

8. been sick for the longest time. my nose is constantly producing mucus, at many times, it is thick and has a bad smell. i wonder what is wrong.

9. thoughts cram my head and i've been having terrible headaches the past few days. many many things to do.

10. i have the time. but i seem to be wasting. i have no goals to myself. needs a change of attitude, fast.

11. coordinating the photoshoot isn't easy. blame it on myself. hope it will go smoothly. and when the shoot is done, i'm just awaiting for the launch. its exciting. my friends.. check out: http://purewiz.livejournal.com  and join the mailing list. can't wait to show u all the clothes! yay!

12. hope to get the part time job. keep me occupied for awhile and have fun:) been wanting this job for the longest time.. :)

13. anyone knows of ppl who can do tailoring/sewing of delicate designs and at reasonable prices? needs help urgently. call/sms/email me!

14. love. :) loved.

15. sharing a line: be sincere in the things you do, then even if you fail, at least you know you did right.

hope for the best in my exams and all that i do...!!!

:: resolutions ::

 1. I never make any resolutions if u realise. Coz i don't know how it works.

2. If resolutions are just a list of things i want to resolve and will work towards it, then maybe i shall start one.

3. Its not too late to start having New Year's resolutions's eh? Since its January and Lunar New Year isn't exactly here yet.

4. Oh, times flies. Guess what. This sem is (finally) (frightfully) coming to an end and tt means its assignments galore..

5. That brings me to my first resolution.. no matter what happens this semester, the next acad year i've got to wake up my idea. Pull up my GPA! 3.5... puleeez....

6. Diet.. always saying, never doing.. will start.. today!

7. Exercise and generate a lova and habit for it. Will start.. have to start..

8. Stop spending like theres no tomorrow.. set aside $XX each month into savings.. a little goes a long way.. i hope.

9. Love one person and stick to it, or don't love at all. You dun deserve love if you do not know how to love.  (tt said, i'm kinda stuck in some kind of... hmm.. )

10. Be true to yourself and the people around you!

11. Start planning for a little piece of sky of your own. Get the fashion blog rolling.. sooooon!!!

12. Ensure I work towards goals and do well in designs.!!

13. PureWIZ is a project in long term planning. My biggest resolution, kick start this! and then...

14. Get my multi-concept in one going.. blog+own label+publishing... oh my... this will be a 5 years work plan/resolution..

15. Get everything off my mind and start working, realistically!

really.....

:: headache ::

1. Have been overusing this word. But its getting bad. Real bad migraine. Feel like dying soon.

2. Going through a lot. Too much work piling up but my headache is obstructing me.

3. I love to design, and looking for new ways to do things. :)

4. I don't like to take telephone calls. Stop calling stop calling i don't wanna talk anymore.

5. SMS is good. I will reply when i want to. I won't if i don't want to. Like i said, i won't take no calls.

6. I don't like to repeat myself. I say things once, then its done. Silence.

7. Got many big dreams to fulfill. Wonder when.

8. I'm domesticated. I love staying at home. Curbs me from spending.

9. Chinese New Year and Valentines' Day. Not sure what will happen. Things might change very much. Talking face to face with people you love makes sense. <3

10. Needs coffee. And a break. Ice cream makes me happy. Good coffee and nice simple good ice cream. :)

Back to working on assignments....

:: luxury ::

I am not atas..
i'm a struggling poor brat who dreams of a life drowned in luxury
the post christmas sale didn't work out
the clothes are either ugly or that i can't afford
what sales is that.. bleah..

mixing with friends who dresses to kill
or dress to kill me and my faint heart
adorned to the nines
with the most premium
and lovely looking haute couture
which, unfortunately,
i can't afford.. sad..

i decided i shall not match them
because it is almost impossible
with my current occupation (zero income student)
maybe, maybe in the future..
i shall not give the impression that i am rich
because i am not
i shall not waste money
i shall have more practical aims
like.. loosing weight

alright
and so it shall be
i shall start loosing weight
and make myself look good
n ot necessarily in branded stuffs
if i slim down.. like.. alot..
i guess i will look good in just about anything
and i would look like i'm dressed in
all luxury items
when its me which shines.. yes..

no more useless new year resolutions that i can never resolve
i shall make promises to myself
and targets
which are really achievable..

for a better (if not the best year in my life) 2010!

:: end of Nov ::

Its shocking how time flies..

Its already the end of November..

Very soon.. another brand new year will be here..

Will it be a new start?

Will we be able to move on?

Will we see things in new light?

Will I be more mature?

What new things will I try or explore?

Not exactly looking forward to a new year..

Probably the good things have overcovered the nasty ones in 2009.

Blessings..

:: thinking through things ::

I sit down
looking through my stuffs
and thinking through the many happenings
that has happened during this holidays
and as i plan for the next week or so
and for the new semester..

Love:
its a complicated thing
between 2 persons
even more so between 2 guys
especially between 2 people who are so different
in many ways
yet sharing the same passion in life
and in this real world
real things happen
and feelings get tweaked

there's too much between us
and around us
for me not to feel tired
but because we love each other so much
we are able to look past these things
and appreciate each other
forget about the flaws
forgive one and others' misdemeanors
and love on like nothing happened..
i wish
this will stay on..
and on..

was at a class chalet i spearheaded
and am I glad that although the turnout was small
but we had fun
and bonded well
i had a chance to bond with the people were going to
be in the same class as me
and we talked also about many things
about class
about life
it was..
nice:)

attended BBE YEC's first meeting..
was a nice session selecting the committee
and the various office bearers..
there's going to be a lot to learn from
being a grassroots leader
in this youth group
and i look forward to working with this dynamic bunch of people
from different walks to life
to organise events for my constituency
and making friends in my neighbourhood
btw..
after little rounds of "elections" and "votings"
i am part of the sports and wellness team,
as well as the New Media and Publicity Secretary..
interesting..
as i hope to hone my skills in design and publication
doing publicity works and such
as well as maintaining good new media health
in the group.
might be able to apply wat i learn from webby design in the new sem..

currently out of dragonboating for awhile
because since i left for vietnam till now
my weekends are all jam packed
so..
no river regatta and db trainings for me this half year..:(

as for my new style in the new sem
i've decided
that i should be a fashion boy like i've always targetted
and go all out in dressing everyday
i've bought a big new collection for this sem
and hope to create new styles that will blow ppl's mind
and upping my own style quotient
to go well with my new fashion blog i plan for next year
as well as our little designing tees business:)
my great clothes collection from uniqlo n topman n river island n g2000
all waiting for me:)

that also brings me to another point..
i'm broke
and my lines are cut off temporary again..
i need to get a work
and try to pay off things for myself..
i dun noe how long more i can sustain a lifestyle like tt
without working
and i feel bad when i swipe the card each time..
well well..
any good job offers to fit my timetable?

and fitness calls..
i need to get a healthy lifestyle
gym n swim.,.
alot alot alot next sem..
loose weight!
with determination and sheer spirit.
i believe!!

alot in my mind
weighing me down..
if u don't see me smile so much
u understand
i've too much load
going through too much
i only hope to do my best in each section
and excel!

for now
i think i need to concentrate and enjoy whatever i have

HMS leadership camp from mon-thurs..
well well..
looking for other commitments..
and also job+money:)

:: blur ::

Why?
For what?
I don't know.

dear Isaac..

Don't let a moment's willful thoughts ruin you.
think of the future..
one which is happy
and positive
and endless possibilities..

that is far more important
and a fling or two
some random fun times

its okay when your relationship reaches a plateau
and you get used to one another
just think of the random happy moments and surprises you share
doesn't it still bring a smile upon your face?

why does the grass look greener on the other side?

and this person is willing to let you go have some fun
but unwilling to let go
it means something
because he understands you so much
and that he still loves you.

he knows that you will turn back.

and probably..





i will turn back..
because i've comed to my senses.. :)

:: 你Aware吗？::

新加坡女性权利与行动小组（Aware）今天在新加坡402展厅举行的特殊常年会议（extraordinary general meeting ) ，或许是新加坡由史以来最轰动，混乱的私人组织“暴动”。

Aware自三月份的常年会议至今，一直受到大家的关注。从聘用DBS信用卡部门副总裁Josie Lau为新管委会主席，到近日掀起的宗教纷争，同性恋者歧视性教育课程纠纷，都是因为“女性权利领导者”（feminist mentor) Thio Siu Mien 引领的。由于故事太长，我也就不在去解说，相信同学们比我更了解。

如今，Aware“两大派”的纷争主要是在于Aware启蒙成员（old guard）对新加入的成员和新的执委会感到不满，认为他们有着私下的反抗议题为主加入Aware。而新执委（new guard) 则坚持自己的信念，希望能够一改Aware近年来的“过错”。这批新执委其中有多人是亲戚，也是在Aware常年选举之前几个星期才加入的成员。他们其中也有多数是来自同一所教会，位于马格列通道的救主之堂（church of our saviour)。

前几天，该教会的主牧师更是表示有在教会的网站以及祷告会中要求会员到今天的大会为“姐妹们”加持。过后，该牧师更是为言行举止深感歉意。毕竟新加坡是个多元种族，文化与信仰的国家，我们不应该把个人理念强迫大人认同，更不应该硬逼他人接受自己信仰的教法。

近日的会议至今也得到了明显的结论，虽其中的Drama的确有点过火。

（最新消息：不信任新执委会投票结果：New guard (红衫军）761票，Old Guard （白衫军）1414票）

会议上全程乱一通，明显表示对红衫军的不满。其中NMP Siew Kum Hong 更是扮演着相当重要的角色。他虽然是男性，无法参与投票，但却到场为白衫军加持，更为广大民众申冤。现在，虽投票结果已经呈现在眼前了，但Josie与伙伴却坚持不肯歇下职位，明显表现出非常霸道的行为。（不信任票其实并不表示他们失去委员职位，但已失去大家的支持，应该“自动一点”）

红衫军如此不干脆，不直接，做事鬼鬼祟祟，不透明，真的是相当卑鄙。为女性争取权利还是为自己的信念与信仰牟利？只有他们自己知道。如果真的是不满之前Aware的企划与行为，他们应该做的，是自己开设另一个行动小组，而不是这样一低下的手法得到权利，霸占他人的组织。

这整件事今后又会演变到什么地步，无人知道。但人人都持有己健，应该做的是互相包容，使这国家繁荣。继续纠缠也是没有用的。

但我自己留意了这件事哪么久，只能说，我相信这不是终点。Drama相信会在接下来几天继续越演越烈。不知大家对Aware事件持有什么看法，这是个小组内的争论，还是同性恋者与“家庭概念”的冲突，或是有着宗教信仰的敏感争议呢？

（其实要说的还很多，故事还很长，但打到手累了，就在此结笔。对我来说，投票过后，我赢了。爱，不分你我，sorry to the Thios， *Boo*！）

*整段post是在会议举行的最后几个小时内写的，本作者心情混乱，若有得罪任何人，请多包容。文章纯属作者个人意见与主张，如有雷同，纯粹巧合。*


*********************************************************************

on a sideline, do check out the full details of the EGM today from..

Wayang Party
cruz teng 丁志勇
The Online Citizen

oh ya, and remember to get a Shut up and Sit Down tee shirt!!

:: (i hope i can) cancel my DBS cards ::

A very interesting "thing" came up
with regards the ongoing AWARE saga
this guy apparently came up with a good idea
that all those who disapproves AWARE's new guard to just cancel your DBS cards
as a form of rebuttal against Josie Lau and the Thios
instead of just sending hate mails in the forms of death threats
(which might in any case get you into trouble with the law if not careful)

Its been a roller coaster ride for the group i suppose
and more than ever (no pun on NP watsoever)
its positive impact on AWARE.
their membership doubled suddenly
and they've got the publicity
(as they say no publicity is bad publicity.. haha)

The indignant pink gay and lesbian community has been once again catapulted itself
and suddenly,
the "bonding" of the gays and lesbians have arose once again
(the last time was thanks to the junior Thio)

well well..
the Thios definitely know how to attract attention
first with their unique surname
(anyone else with the surname should feel pretty disgraced)
and then their "pro-family" stand

on a side note
W n me have always been pro famiy
be it our family or the family we might have in the future.. LOL
(though its over, for now...)

back to the AWARE case
i hope it will be resolved and tt my pink friends will not be so
aggravated by it anymore
i sincerely hope the eogm next week will run smoothly
and an amicable result obtained
(my stand? erm, topple the new exco and form a newer exco?)

its turned pretty ugly because the controversy is just bad
i would say the media has been painting pretty ugly pictures of the old guard at the start
but now
i see the balance
both sides are ugly in their own ways
but with more understanding
we all have our sides to stand on, i hope..

we shall see what happens..

But to ask me cancel my DBS card?
dun want la..
its already a important part of my social life
Hahaha..
oh ya, why wasn't Josie Lau sacked huh?
then they can anyhow sack some poor staff at the AWARE centre for some minor things..
these new guards very bu jiang li hor..
tsk tsk...

:: i love N...... ::

I'll be back ( i hope)..

call it rejuvenation
refreshening
awakening of senses
upgrading

i take a short pause from my university education as I pursue my interest..

not that i've given up on it
i love to study
to study something i like
and move on from there
correct the wrongs in the past years
and have an adventure
pick up new skills

*on a side note*

Revelations have come to an end..
thank you all my actors and production crew for the wonderful effort
it has been one hell of a crazy ride
i hope all of you enjoyed it..
you are the reason I persevered

you all did a wonderful closing to the chapter of my life in NTU
and i hope you will all go far
although in different directions..

now..
NP got any drama group?
or can I really be a dragonboater? muahahaha..

****

tears may fall when we say goodbye
but more importantly
its the smile these memories bring
when we look back
and embrace the happy times...

****

to all my friends who have made my journey in NTU memorable, although some for the wrong reasons..

~3238 peeps in NTU, weizhi, anderson (u 2 r really special.. ), ronnie, sir seng, eugene..
and many more army friends who were in ntu..

~CAC FOC 07 and 08.. Pollia and Thyra..
tingshu, shining, wileen, weihua, yongyi and all those Thyra-nosaruses.. 6 days was all we
needed for the close bond.. i still feel it inside. thank you
and all those committee people, thank you for the opportunities, and the friendships.
great to know all of u..

~Hall of Residences 4.. well.. Alexis Cai.. haha.. nice to know you..
and all the others who i've known through the year of stay..

~the random people i talk to from NTU network on trevvy.. nice to have known you..

~classmates, japanese coursemates.. thank you for once being a friend. it was fun!

NP CMC! Here I come!!!

:: retrospective ::

As yet another trouble filled year passes

we look at in reminisent of the better days we had

and praying for the year to come to be better

filled with more merry moments

and less disasters, natural or not.

But Isaac is basically a simple person

who doesn't hope for much

just that he can be happy without much worries.

I really enjoy giving

it doesn't make me feel like a saint

but i just like to prepare some love

and share with my friends.

After a collection of Absolutmilo sweets tubs and photo frames

Absolutmilo CDs and poetry books.

Absolutmilo chocolate shot glasses.

This Christmas,

friends whom i meet this week have been or will be greeted with the newest

Absolutmilo champagne class / red wine bubble.

The newest in the Absolutmilo collection.

As much as i'm looking forward to next year

when i'm going to be much older (21 seems just yesterday while 23 has slowly crept up)

i'm looking forward to a nicer custom made gift to share with friends

to let you always know

that I am by your side

accompanying you whenever you are down and out

or when you just feel flat.

I want to be all around you

to provide you warmth.

But troubles will be the only constant

thus we should face it when it comes.

feel blessed you have friends.

and they are the ones you need to cope with anything.

(just like as much as i don't subscribe to someone's idea of a union,

but i still pretty much want to share my happiness with all.

such dilemma..)

:: when blogging can't serve its purpose ::

i initially intended to just rant on this blog

views that i have and am closely related to about a club which i am in

but after many thoughts

i tink i shall not

since there may be people reading this and i don't want to hurt their feelings

then i'm tinking of my LJ

since its a more private (to me) avenue to express

but yet i also know there ARE people who might also be reading tt and get hurt indirectly

so this comes to the point

whether blogs are just a way to let out your frustrations?

or to show your love and make it look like a beautiful movie

if its a form of expression

when am I having such reserves

well..

its kind of hard when such a thing occurs

but this being my diary i really want to just say it out without any biasness

and not tt i'm supporting such a stand simply due to the fact tt my opportunities have been taken away

for i do not care about tt at all..

the drama club which i am currently involved in

i feel

is just another act of being too under controlled by higher authorities

not tt it is a bad thing

just that i personally feel

there are some people who are a little daunting in such a sense

and makes it feel very stuffy to work in suddenly

recent turn in events

have made me feel tt it is not ready to open up

i am not a vocal person and will not voice it out directly

thus using blogs as a way to express my thoughts

i understand the higher authority is providing with substantial support and monetary supplies

but however,

the club is currently a school club

and like other clubs

should be run solely by the students itself

and thus should have be given the confidence to do so

however

there seems to be a high level of relience

or is it a high level of protection from the authorities

that makes it rather stiffling...

i mean..

not tt i've been tt experienced to be speaking

just sharing my views..

if you want to open a club

and says right from the start tt you welcome people from all walks of life

and is branded by a student club

i believe that that should be it.

currently

there is a sense of great respect for the "descendants" to the higher authorities

and there feels like it is run under full control of them as well.

it feels closed

like its set up to be a sub group of the "party"

and not tt ready to be welcoming the others..

there has been many such incidents in the past few months tt i've seen

and i've encountered rather bad experiences, probably unknown to many.

i mean..

have confidence

set up and let it run

if you want to constraint it in this way'

you will only be scaring people off.

its good to set a vision and standard

and yes, probably you should have some control

but from what i see

the bond between you all are too close

and its really hurtful to see it going in such a way

some kinda dictatorship way.

maybe its time to grow up

really

because trying is good

but over controlling

will only have its adverse effects

if you want things completely run your way..

then keep it within yourselves

shouldn't have bothered to open up.

:: flawless ::

Showing gratitude to the world

for all the imperfect we have

but cannot accept

we continue on the search

mankind's non-stop seeking for the one vengence

to make this place we live better

better

best

perfect

families get thorn apart because of each other's different perception

friends fall in love because they think that it is it

animals give us signs that we oft overlook

taking crisis as negatives when it is a wake up call

prices rise to levels in which we drown

will we see the world where we have been waiting for?

look at things differently

when it is actually

just the same

what dreams really are?

:: Flawless ::

My newest ideas for a new play.

A mixed media play about our busy lifestyle

and constant search for the perfect things in life

when ridden with challenges

do we face it?

orjust think of the negative?

what's the real problem?

where does the flaw lie?

:: roller coaster ride! ::

its examinations week next week
and its going to be a hell of a roller coaster ride
with many things cramped up! oh my god!
emotional and mental torture.. be prepared..

yesterday
watched Avenue Q
its really funny
and wat i watch out more is the story development, characters and production
its a great set and storyline
but i guess its a show for the masses..
noting much technocal to note of
but nonetheless
its a really great performance
since many of the show's 3 weeks run has been fully booked.
will remember the songs like "if you were gay", "internet is for porn" and "It sucks to be me".
well
i'm now listening to the Broadway original cast recording
a really nice memory of a great musical!
anyone wants can borrow from me and have a great laugh at the songs..

read a few comments and reviews about Gemuk Girls by The Necessary Stage
i seems to be a great play
in theatrics and script
but too bad..
just when i wanted to get tickets
its all sold out le!

but I'm gonna catch Flare ( a play bout live during n after a earthquake in a neighbouring country)
by Cake Theatrical and The Finger Players
quite looking forward to it
coz its really interesting to see two companies which i like and are pretty known to be good companies..
hope dearie will be able to watch it with me

that brings me back to another topic
watched Ave Q with weizhi yesterday
because someone was busy
and couldn't make it

well well..
sometimes
i really hope he can relax and take things in different perspective
i hope he can see things through other's life
who knows what happens
he is sometimes domineering
just the way i like it
but then
there are times when i feel he hould think of what people really want
and not simply wat he perceives

sometimes
i might say i'm tired
like really "tired"
because i don't just want to be pampered
i want to be a bigger part of your life
not just someone who gets your love
or how it appears to be "love"

its not easy
you might say again
you don't know what young people think
but hey
if i can understand you and what you really want
mayb you can try to reciprocate that as well
i know work is tough
and you are one who knows how to work hard n play hard
and seperates the two apporpriately

probably you need to separate your social life from mine
i know your friends
but do you know mine?

there are things you do with your friends
and try to pull me in when i might not be interested
then there are other activities
which you simply count me out
you don't seem to care about anyting at all

on the long run
i really don't understand you
your stand on things
and what you are really looking for
your fast changing attitude makes me feel lost
98% of the time
i enjoy the many things
but its the little things that matters more

hopefully
by saying you love me
we can integrate each other into one another's life
and not just say so

be it..
if we are going to live together (forever? long term? i don't know. though i know you want to.. ?)
we have to balance. merge. move on.

sometimes
being simplistic is the best
get back to your roots of being the child-like boy when you are with me
think of being simple
thats easier.. to think and do..
haha.. now i am at a lost myself.. what do i really want??

**ps: anyone wants to go Zoukout, watch Snow white and the seven dwarfs by Wildrice, First Light by Toy Factory, Lee Guitars All Stars Concert, please contact me!**

:: (gushing) random thoughts ::

i'm suddenly overfilled with emotions
of anger
love
pain
happiness
eagerness
frustration

everything

i've a million thoughts running through my brains now

i shall tell them (i hope)
when i feel like the time is right..

i've got a million things to type
but i just don't feel like blogging them now
so just wait
for the potion to overflow
for the burst..
for everything to fall into place

i'm tired
really tired

so it ends

:: friend ::

i thought about it for awhile

then i decided i need to write it on my blog

but using so long to tink

i did not know what title to put

so i put it simply (or bluntly)

as friend

i saw u

i tapped you on the shoulder

you turned back

and just gave me a nod

maybe u were busy

after i got what i wanted at the coffeeshop

i still saw you waiting by the road side

maybe for someone to appear

so i went ahead

hoping to chat with you

a friend whom i've not talked to for so long

but u onli turned back

to ask me a question

with you looking tired and worn out

i don't know

but with benefit of a doubt

i shall just take it as you are tired

mayb i'm tinking too much

but i feel tt we have lost it

remembering the incident back then

which we have already clarified.

i still take you as a very close

very special friend

hope you will reciprocate

once your best friend.. (i hope)

:: r.e.c.e.s.s.week....?? ::

recess
a time to rest
to look back..

i'm tired
its monday
time flies
before i know it
the week will be gone

i'm guilty of some stuffs
what is it i want
i seem to not to know..

my ultimate aim?
hahahahahaha..
Isaac just lives and let live

hopefully he will be always to lucky!
to get away with things..

*sidetrack*
today was a Epiphany outing with seniors
things didn't really run too well
but we tried our best
to bond all together
and the small little party turned out fun
and everyone bonded!

tmr going to see biennale at city hall n south beach development
with weizhi, andy n ron
hope to enjoy myself!
wonder! its gonna b spectecular, i hope...

:: think too much ::

i suddenly realise whenever i have
some pockets of free time
i would let my imagination run wild
and imagine a million things
take on many different personalities..

i like to think.. think.. of (rubbish)

Anyway, out of the blue,

I realised I have many lifestyle problems…

Then I started listing out…

• I’m very particular abt color combination
• I dun like pple to block my way when I’m walking
• I cannot sleep without my little pillow
• I dun like to sleep early
• I always imagine
• I always roll on my bed for at least 15 minutes,
• before deciding whether I shud wake up
• I am very mischievious
• I brush my teeth for very long
• I'm always quite horny
  
• No right or wrong, only should/should not
• No" need/no need", only "wan/dun wan"
• Happiness is everything
• BIG fan of Murphy, yeah. Ultimate victim of Murphy’s Law
• blah
• blah
• blah
• I
• am
• seeing
• the
• Z monster
• already

Sleepy already… Suddenly very sleepy… I’m going to shut down anytime…

:: Piling . Troubles ::

i've got everything piling up the way it shouldn't be
and as i look back
I really haven't changed for the better
the way it ought to have gone..
oh no..

troubles are all piling up my way
5 weeks in school and entering the 6th
I am just afraid that I've taken on a little too much!
(once again..)

I've got educational trouble..
organisational trouble..
sports and physical trouble..
monetary trouble..
relationship trouble..

heres a summary..

education troubles:
-project piling up, especially for HW210.. its a sucky project, though it seems essential..
-tutorials.. they are secretly piling up, and I seemed to have missed a lesson or two sometimes..
-thus leading up to missed tutorials and lectures.. notice the s behind? oh no.. how? i need to seek the real importance and the meaning of studies in life for myself and prioritise. plan my life properly..
-and because i've missed the above, the tests coming up will be damn fierce. though it might juz be tests, but things add up, and i hope it will not be in a bad way. I'm going all out to mend these holes, i promise!
-I need to buck up of my school work, desperately..

organisational troubles..
-as u may know,
I have joined a few main committees this year after a bad year in onli sub-committees last year. and as they say, the job is fiercer. oh no.. so the work is really getting heavier and i need to "wake up" my idea and get things done so as to not fail or give up in any of the projects..
anyways, the election for Epiphany main com is tomorrow! yeah! fingers crossed!
(I've currently got CAC JDC and Impresario to take care of.. both PnP posts.. well well)

sports and physical trouble..

-I am fat
-I am unfit
-I've got IPPT coming
-I've not trained well enough..
-I can only run (long distance, not 2.4 n 4X10m..)
-I got tedious dragonboat training which i hope helps.
-i've regular runs thanks to a certain person..
-I am still fat despite trainings and my physiques in not building up.
-i hate that!

monetary troubles...
-really, officially, i am POOR.
-i'm near bankrupt.
-my 4 bank accounts are running on less than 2 or 3 figure sums.
-my three credit cards are running on debts.
-i'm afriad each time the statement comes each months.
-why does time past so fast?
-where am i going to get money to pay
-why am i still in the blur and keep spending endlessly without the constant effort to thrift and spend less despite knowing i HAVE to?
-i am officially a "ka-nu" slave to my cards

relationship troubles:
-for those who do not know
-i've got a 31 year old partner
-who is quite prominent in the circle due to some unspecified reason
-who is desperate to get into a stable "family environment"
-but travels around the world for holiday/work so so often
-and loves sports to much that pressurizes me..
-he is a freakin' 6-pac believer
-and a uber IT professional and closetted entrepreneur wanabe
-who happens to have a military background.
-and is a guy.
-the trouble?
-well..
it is about me acknowledging his existance to my friends
-who might be able to take it, or may be homophobics..
-another challenge:
-he takes care of me too well.
-i feel insecure
-yet he offers a great sense of security
-and now officially wants to have an official "union"
-but it sounds good. but i dun know what will happen next time.
-or even the near future.
-i'm afraid of my poisition in school, friends, family, society...

troubles...