:: knowing ::

am I very shy, conservative or even closeted?
i believe not
many, or should i say, most of my friends know about me
but yet, the real "friends" i have in the community who I can talk to, go out with, have coffee with, go shopping with, play mahjong with, go k box with, is so few.. so so few..

in fact, none.

do i know who i really am?
am i comfortable with myself completely?
i do not know the answer to that

why is it at sometimes i still can't stand (feel irritated by those) who have extreme feminine behaviour? aren't they part of the clan?

why is it i seem to have many friend, but i can't lead the wonderful fun filled lifestyle that i see friends like jasen n samuel lead? pardon me for using real name examples..

is there a standard that i have to live up to? or is it just because i set too high an expectation for myself?

however, i just want to be myself and enjoy myself.

to be fitted into the community and enjoying myself as who i really am..