:: how different am i? ::

was hearing radio earlier on

when i came across this song by rene liu

from her new album,

a mandarin translation of Angela Aki's song tegami

called continue-to my 15 year old self (继续-给15岁的自己）

i wrote about Angela's song back a year ago..

and i happen to read several posts from May 2009

and thinking of it

i havent changed, not a bit

the surroundings and people might have changed

but somehow or rather

my feelings and thoughts havent

more about tt later

back to the song..

when i heard the mandarin version by rene on radio

i just hummed along to it

it was familiar

and i almost cud sing the japanese one

although it was back then 1 year ago

and my japanese have very much deproved since

hearing the mandarin song

i cud feel something

though not as strong

i wrote tweets about my feeling then

about how lost i felt in the mandarin version

seeking a feeling with the tune but not running along with the lyrics

the sense of being touched by something close to heart

unfortunately doesn't come with the mandarin tune

and i had to search out my older NEC lappie where the song was in it's itunes

(haven't got the time to transfer.. or just plain lazy)

a whole year

and when i heared the bridge

i felt the urge

love? kinship? friends? intropecction? me?

not sure

but i feel a surge of blood flowing to my head

a sense of warmth

keep on believing

keep on believing

believing in oneself? believing the world will change?

believing that i can do it all?

i've let myself down and some people around me

i've not necessarily kept my promises

but just as well

the world hasn't been all that kind to me either

i've gone thru uneasy times in the past year

and so much more to say

well..

and tt brings me to the posts and reflections

i've somehow lessened my blogging

because i tweet much more

just look at the tweet board beside

blogging to me is when i have something i wanna say in details

when i'm really tired

and want a channel to vent

i'm sorry

but.. i'll try.. no promises ya..

i want so much in life

i try so much in life

but myself

why is it like that? what am i thinking?

what are the people around me thinking? have i really matured?

why am i so easioly tired?

when can i be trusted?

wheres the power to drive me thru ups and downs and various tasks?????

where are my friends? where are my love?

who are you?

who am i?

are we realoly different day by day?

can i keep my promises and resolutions?

reflecting is one

changing is another

looking back and forth

how different am i gonna be tmr?

next week?

next month?

next year?

next 5 years....

and it goes on

i aim high

we aim to change

but really

isn't it a vicious cycle that  keeps going around?

things change

but how different, really

well.. lets feel the song that sparked all these..

 Angela Aki's Tegami - to my 15 year old self

(in Romanji and with English translation)

(original can be read from the post at the link above:))

Haikei kono tegami yonde iru anata wa

Doko de nani wo shite iru no darou

Chuugo no boku ni wa

Dare ni mo hanasenai

Nayami no tane ga aru no desu



Dear sir if you’re reading this letter

Where are you and what are you doing

When I was 15 I couldn’t talk with anyone

In that time I was very worried about that



Mirai no jibun ni atete taku tegami nara

Kitto sunao ni uchiakerareru darou



If I write a letter to my future self

Surely I could confess with simplicity



Ima, makesou de nakisou de

Kieteshimaisou na boku wa

Dare no kotoba wo

Shinji arukeba ii no?

Hitotsu shikanai kono mune ga

Nando mo barabara ni warete

Kurushii naka de ima wo ikiteiru

Ima wo ikiteiru



Now, losing together, crying together

I go out for search

In which words I have to believe for keep walking

How many times this heart had been broken?

Even that hurt us, we’re gonna live

We’re gonna live



Haikei arigatou

Chuugo no anata ni

Tsutaetai koto ga aru no desu

Jibun to wa nani de

Doko e mukau beki ga

Toitsuzukereba mietekuru



Dear sir thanks to your 15teen self

I want to tell you about things that had happened

Why do I have to face myself?

If I had come to see the issue



Areta seishun no umi wa kibishii keredo

Asu no kishime e to

Yume no fune yo susume



The stormy seas of youth are harsh but

A boat of dreams will lead you to tomorrow’s shore



Ima, makenai de nakanai de

Kieteshimaisou na toki wa

Jibun no koe wo shinji arukeba ii no

Otona no boku mo kizutsuite

Nemurenai yoru wa aru kedo

Nigakute amai

Ima wo iketeiru



Now don’t lose, don’t cry

In the moment when they disappear

I believe in my own words to keep walking

My adult self it’s damaged too

And don’t sleep at nights but

My sweet pain lives now



Jinsei no

Subete ni imi ga aru kara

Osorezu ni

Anata no yume wo sodatete



From all the sense of live

The fear of believe in your dreams

Keep on believing…



Lalala, lalala

Keep on believing

Lalala, lalala

Keep on believing

Keep on believing

Keep on believing



Ima, makesou de nakisou de

Kieteshimaisou na boku wa

Dare no kotoba wo

Shinji arukeba ii no?

Ah, makenai de nakanai de

Kiete shimai souna boku wa

Jibun no koe wo

Shinji arukeba ii no

Itsu no jidai wo

Kanashimi wo

Sakete wa torenai keredo

Egao wo misete

Ima wo ikiteikou

Ima wo ikiteikou



Now, losing together, crying together

I go out for search

In which words I have to believe for keep walking

Now don’t lose, don’t cry

In the moment when they disappear

I believe in my own words to keep walking

Mistakes from all the ages and sadness

We can’t prevent

Show a smile, we’re gonna live

We’re gonna live



Haikei kono tegami yonde iru anata ga

Shiawase na koto wo

Negaimasu



Dear sir if you’re reading this letter

Hope it brings you happiness

Rene Liu

刘若英 - 继续-给15岁的自己

知道吗我总是惦记

十五岁不快乐的你

我多想 把哭泣的你

搂进我怀里

不确定自己的形状

动不动就和世界碰撞

那些伤 我终于为你

都一一抚平

那一年最难的习题

也不过短短的几行笔记

现在我却总爱回忆

回忆当时不服输的你

天空 会不会雨停 会不会放晴

会不会幸福在终点等着我和你

会不会是我忘记 还能勇敢地去淋雨

我们继续走下去 继续往前进

继续走向期待中的未知旅行

感觉累了的时候 抱着我们的真心

静静好好地休息

这些年我还算可以

至少都对得起自己

谢谢你 是你的单纯

给了我指引

遇见过很多很多人

完成了一些些事情

你一定 还无法想象

多精彩过瘾

谁说人生是公平的

它才不管我们想要怎样

很感激 你那么倔强

我才能变成今天这样

我们继续走下去 继续往前进

看这条路肯让我们走到哪里

我们想去的地方 一定也有人很想去

我们都不要放弃 都别说灰心

永远听从刻在心中那些声音

感觉累了的时候 请你把我的手握紧

没有地图 人生只能凭着手上的梦想 Oh~

循着它的光 曲折转弯找到有光的地方

Lalala Lalala Lalala 那年的梦想

Lalala Lalala Lalala 人要有梦想

勇敢的梦想 疯狂的梦想

继续走下去 继续往前进

路旁有花 心中有歌 天上有星

我们要去的那里 一定有最美丽的风景

都不要放弃 都别说灰心

不要辜负心里那个干净的自己

痛到想哭的时候 就让泪水洗掉委屈

我们要相信自己 永远都相信

来到这个世界不是没有意义

我们做过的事情 都会留在人心里

会被回忆而珍惜

有一天我将会老去

希望你会觉得满意

我没有 对不起那个

十五岁的自己