:: all by myself . and myself . and myself ::

I was at the cliff, almost about to fall off.
I was at the brim, almost spilling out.
I feel congested. Emotionally. Psychologically.
I had no one to turn to.
Then comes the realisation. That I have always been putting on a strong front.
Always showing and thinking that I've so many friends around me.
But who can I turn to when I need to talk?
None.
I don't have anyone whom I can trust. or is close enough for me
to call upon in the middle of the night.
because that is just not what I'm accustomed to.
As weird as it sounds. I'm a loner.
I feel empty. Lonely. Solo.

1. Relationships are confusing. I don't know what I want or maybe who I am. My love life doesn't blend with my life. What does that makes me? I don't seem to know then.

2. My results sucks. Does that mean i'm not cut out for this line? Where am I headed towards? Blank.

3. Sleeping throughout the holidays. Its been more than a month. No aim. No target.

4. Broke up and together. Sex and fucks. All going nowhere, again. Where the sunrises and where it sets. I have no idea. Lost? No, just zero. Non-directional.

5. Having a million ideas, but not practically making any of them work. I'm a waste. Because I don't have the kick to get me going.

6. Who are my friends? Invites out there to over a hundred people. Response is near null. Right. What are friends for? Or, do I have? Who takes me as one? Back to this topic again. Bad.. Next..

7. Motivation gets things going? I think money do. I need a new goal in life which I can see a finishing life. Not now, apparently.

8. What's my aim in doing so much? When my target seems to be so insanely different from where I am headed towards? Why am I preparing so much when it all boils down to being nothing?

9. I find no consolation in being myself.

10. Given up. Just say you love me and fuck me and leave. That is probably what makes me happy. At least for the split second. A moment felt of someone there. Hugging you. The warmth. Comfort. Thanks.