:: real man ::

My current favorite song.. 99% fits W la!

Jolin 蔡依林 「大丈夫」

（男生rap）我真的搞不太懂 你怎么会选择寂寞
要的通通都有 就少了那一个男朋友
你还要ging多久 你到底挑什么

听你说得多 不怕我罗嗦 知道我难过 陪着我沉默
手机桌布只有我 很多甜蜜小动作
自己吃饭没胃口 刷卡之前先问我

喜欢我朋友 也会爱我的狗
懂环保爱地球 保护我像英雄
总是大方介绍我 什么节日都记得
陪我减肥吃苹果 帮我买口红

I don't want a boyfriend
I need a real man
诚实的嘴 可靠的肩 温柔的眼
I don't want a boyfriend
I need a real man
Real man! Real man! Real man! Real man!
何时出现 何时出现 何时出现 何时出现

会玩会工作 会疯会生活
会下厨会运动 会爱会做梦
又像男孩又成熟 对我大方自己抠
教我绝招打电动 什么都有我

I don't want a boyfriend
I need a real man
诚实的嘴 可靠的肩 温柔的眼
I don't want a boyfriend
I need a real man
Real man! Real man! Real man! Real man!
可会出现 可会出现 可会出现 可会出现

（男生rap）我现在有一点通 该怎么解决你寂寞
你说了两三分钟 我愿意花两三年去做
既然你ging很久 要不要等等我

（女生rap）大丈夫耍酷耍温柔
肩膀什么都扛得动 我嘴唇轻轻动一动
就知道我在想什么

Just show me one real man
十项全男 Real man


.....................................................................

Ooh! I need a real man real man real man real man

其实。。。。 已经出现 已经出现 已经出现 已经出现。。。 哈哈哈哈哈哈!!!!

:: it's a Happy world! ::

it feels great making new friends
especially friends whom you can talk freely to
without any prohibitions

first,
its my sports camp friends from NP
wow
they are young, nubile, innocent
and they are soooo fun to be with
its interesting to see the world through these youngster's eyes
without being tainted by the troubles of adulthood yet..
orh....

next,
my friends from Trevvy
one afternoon together of bitching and yeah!
instant hit off..
its the kind of friends i've always looked forward to..
yes! they ARE friends..

btw..
i'm sooo looking forward to the new project we will be undertaking
which we will have a room up on mt emily
which we can hang out
play games
and chill with fellow people
and feel "belonged"
more importantly
we can be there to help others like us
to feel save, to "belong"
and we can all be together without feeling awkward
cool eh?

its time such a place is set up for queer youths in Singapore
somewhere not sleazy
somewhere where theres no alcohol and sex
somewhere which is common in overseas
somewhere which is lacking in Singapore
really..
being queer should not be simply constrained to random sex
dancing and party..
no no no!
its time this place came!
yeah!

Its going to be such a nice place..
so uber looking forward.

:: sinking ::

It is a dangerous pit to sink into.
But I think we have.
The regularity of his overseas trips.
The frequent nights out at Play.
The ostentiably long working hours.
The expectable foreplay n sex.
The lunches and dinners.
The stay overs.

When it becomes this regular.
When it becomes this used.
When everything is so planned and expected.
After one year...
One gets tired.

And thoughts start running through your head.
Random naughty thoughts runs thru my head.
Sunken in.
Isaac, beware.

:: 今日の俳句 ::

突在细雨中
伤感望这桥访处
见彩虹微笑

:: when I was 17... ::

Did I form friendship and bonds so fast?

Looking at my OG for sports camp, I can't help but feel old.

For one, I'm not able to be so energetic. Pubescent, growing, eager, enthusiastic.
I wish I can be.
I tried, I think, I hope.

But more importantly, I am amazed by the strong bonds they have former, even in just the first 2 days. The friendship, the spirit, is admirable.

Because at that age, we do not so much see the complexities of life. More often than not, friends were the ones you talk to, to share your life with. And at tt age, as long as you can talk, no matter the topic, you will find immediate relations. Afterall, you do not actually know tt much things to have diverse opinions.

The girls have bonded by night one, even sitting on each others lap, discussing the guys..

The guys on the other hand, have formed cliques. They are good friends, with certain similar passions in certain activities, hitting the right freq.

Wow.

A fee years down, at my age, we start to stick to our old cliques. Well well. When making new friends, we are often biased, have our own list of expectations. We start to judge people, often biased. We always suspect if this "friend" is close to us if for some reasons.

It is difficult. Blame it in the society.

How I wish I can really be like them. Used to think their conversations were childish. On second thoughts, I think it is innocence. Something I've lost and yearn to gain back again. Something I'm jealous they have.

I really hope to gain back my youth, my vibrance, forging ties with these youngsters.

I tried, I try, trying...

:: 今日の俳句 ::

今は頭が痛い

誰わかります

好きだいよ

:: reflections - aimless ::

Sleeping away at home
On days when I'm not out shopping.
I feel wasted.
I know I've a target a goal
But at many times
I am just an aimless soul
Parading myself to the crowd.
No cash on hand.
No motivation, really.
No destination in mind.
Just wandering.
What do I really want in life?
At this age, when people are busy with chasing
Dreams, technology, the ultimate modern day lifestyle.
I feel left behind.

A true otaku. Probably.

:: acting busy ::

I seem busy. With a million thoughts running thru my mind. There seems to b a thousand things tt I need to accompolish.

But the truth is, I cannot be more free. I've wasted enough time. And as much it seems tt I've a packed schedule, I'm actually just idling most of the time.. Waiting.. For something to happen. Really.

I've got orientation camps to attend. But I feel.. Lethargic. Because I see no reason now to attend. The enthusiasm has very much faded. In fact, I feel old to be in company of these "ru xiu wei gan" kids. I try to think I'm young n enjoy.. But.. 一言难尽..

I'm contemplating whether or not, to go for tmr's FOC. Can't blame.. My injured leg is also another reason prohibiting me..

Well..

:: more than ever ::

Life in NP starts as soon as today.

I chose Chinese media and communication over mass comm because it's a combination of both my passion in Chinese and mass comm. Also because of the niche market it aims. A small pioneering cohort and prospects with the diploma was also taken into consideration. Finally, the year three overseas immersion was also interesting experience I looked forward to.

I did my registration of course today, and with just a little admin to settle by post, I am prepared for school next month.

Oh, my Exciting life in np is starting ss early as this week as I've signed up for sports camp. Wednesday! Yay! Look forward to it. And hopefully I can join the db team. Haha..

There's also SU camp next week and humanities school camp on the week before school starts!

And oh ya! There's the Happy party on 4/4/09! Looking forward to see all u friends then! Yay!

:: to 宅 or not to 宅 ::

宅男.. I am becoming a 宅 kia la!
due to my leg pain (probably because of suppressed vein)
i hardly go out if not for work
and most of the time
i lay on my bed..
coz even sitting down is painful..
bleah!

and the kaypo in me decided to quit my job as an admin assistant (fulltime)
and then the next day accept the job as events coordinator (part time)
now let me make a comparison between the jobs..

admin assistant:
-full time pay (alot lo)
-average three day work week in office (each less than 5 hours)
-work from home the rest of the time on comp
-some nights on comp working on website admin stuffs..
-very easy job..
-climb stairway to heaven thrice weekly

-event coordinator:
-part time pay (1/2 to 2/3 of full time pay)
- work average three day in office ( less than 3 hours, in evenings..)
- noting to do at home, just some simple admin
-many nights at clubs!!! INCLUDING SUNDAY! bleah!
-i have to be out and show my face in the clubs.. bleah!
-i've to climb stairway to heaven to collect things/get a ride whenever there's event.. bleah!
-i get sick and tired of muscle marys sticking up to me with their naked bodies!!
bleah.. they are so bloody disgusting.. and giving them a condom does not mean i want you to fuck me! bleah!


luckily Play is temporarily closed..
the "new" job is quite relaxed actually
just tt i'm now really out in clubs almost every other night
really don't know what to tell my mum
working at a club? salah leh
then? hmm..

but the pay is quite okay
and i can still study and handle this job
(boss say i can stop handling superstar sundays when i start school)
and most impt.. the PAY!
i need money, alot..

one PLUS thing..
i now attend parties which W attends too!
in the past i shun the events because i'm just not such a social butterfly
now
i'm constrained by the job
so i get to eye him while i'm working and
the work practically entails me being friendly and partying..

whats there not to like of a job that is just partying?
the CROWD! i really have yet to feel totally comfy about it..
alright.. its just me!
its a dream job to some of my aj friends
but for me..
if not for the money..
bleah!

but next sunday's Superstar Sunday will be interesting..
haha
there's the contestants of Manhunt 2009..
and i've a ex-schoolmate who's in the competition la! so cool right..
do support him okay?
MH12.. Ryan Chong..

totally nv expect la..
but well.. he looks quite good la..
didn't realise back then..

W should have taken part back when he was younger lo
will have won..
but his youth was wasted on..
overseas studies / working in tt green company..
bleah!

well.. based on the fact tt i'm blogging at such wee hours..
yup.. because i just came home from work
and yup.. i'm back to my 宅 days until the next work day.. on wed.. hmm..

:: dear death ::

You are morbid. You are feared. You seem "dirty". You are oft visited when one thinks that there's no way out.

Today, I saw death in two distinctively different light. One in the case of a student who looked to death after a frustrating confrontation with his FYP prof, another in the case of this year's Academy Award Best Foreign Language Film.

The movie, Departures, was a poignant story of a man, who gave up his career after unsuccessful attempts, as a cello player in an orchestra, which was forced to close down. He went back to his old home in suburban Japan. He looked for a job in the classifieds section and came across one from NK Agent. It was a job to work with "departure". Thinking it was a travel agency job, he went to apply. In reality, it was a job dealing with the departed, in other words, it was a person who take care of a dead person, helping to prep a dead to get ready for entering the coffin, departing to another world.

The people around him, including his wife, played by 广末凉子, thought of it as a improper job, even leaving him saying he was dirty. But through ways, he proved to people it to be a noble job, respectable and something he is proud of.

An understory of him with his father was told, with his parents divorced and his father being a useless man who had extramarital affair. In the end, when he found out his father was dead, it took him a while, until he decided to visit him. With his wife, they drove to a little town and saw his fathers body. It was extremely touching seeing him looking at his fathers face and matching it to the face he has long forgotten since he last saw when he was a child. Unhappy with the way the undertaker took care of the body, he stepped in to do his job, and sent his own father on the final journey. Overall, it was touching, something that felt close to heart and not at all unfamiliar.

On the other hand, an Indonesian Chinese year 4 EEE student from NTU took his own life, slashing his wrist before jumping down a a EEE block. (yah, he jump from a basement level and died, proving the theory tt u can die in NTU even if u jump from a basement) but before tt, he stabbed his FYP professor several times at his office.

So was it a case whereby FYP professor was over demanding that the student could not tolerate. Or was it that he was simply too stressed. I would prefer to think that the prof played a part in this whole disaster. Mayb I'm biased, bit, I can't think of any reason a student would stab him. If too stressed he die himself can le ma.

Still, it's sad la. Why couldn't he just tolerate it for awhile more, project finish in a month or two, then he will grad le. So wasted. Sad la! Stress.. Who is not stressed?haiz ~

I fail so many times, also live on. Tsk. Don't set too high expectations la, be it the student or the prof..

Fun facts about NTU EEE accident:

-ntu south spine highest level is level two. At the EEE buildings, one is Level 1 to basement 5, the other got basement 7.. The two extentions (which I guess is where accident take place) got basement 1-5.. No levels abover ground, haha..

-some say FYP stands for Finish Your Professor. Cruel but funny.

-that guy who died was from hall 4. He was once my neighbour la... Dun noe him personally though.. Someone even said maybe hall 4 will hold the wake, rubbish la!