:: reality check ::

part 1:

I am feeling quite bad, because I'm emotionally down the past week, I did not turn up for certain events that I promised to earlier. Sometimes, I feel that I should inform beforehand, but somehow or rather, I am the "running away" sort of person. The feeling of putting aeroplane is really nasty. I hate it, but am guilty of it.

From now, I promise to inform earlier if I am unable to make it. But for the time being, please "tahan" it.. coz i'm going through a rough patch..

(for your info, if i told you i'm sick, i'm really sick. becoz the weather has been temperamental, and I have been having migraines and colds on an irregular basis the past 2 weeks.. I may "pang seh" without a word, but I never bluff people!)

part 2:

Sometimes, I do not know how to face you. being a friend, its hard to tell you off. No matter how vocal I can be, but its hard to tell you directly if I am really not interested. not answering your calls and msn messages and emails are a way to tell you i'm off the line, and try not to continue "pestering" me with regards to the plan. Like i said, i never bluff people, what I may be interested at the start, I might be a little put off now, so.. get the hint, stop coming close off my back..

part 3:

dragon boating is my passion. I have always wanted to be a healthy boy. I want the tan and dark skin. and to match that, I want a toned body. I am far away from it. i am trying my best to slim down. if you do not have constructive comments to make, then keep it to yourself. don't spoil other's morale. I will do it to prove you you. i have the strong mettle to keep it going. and i will.

the target i set now, is for you to see me in a better shape, by this christmas.

part 4:

unfortunately, I am not catching up on my schoolwork. mental wise, I just do not have the interest. i really am tired. probably because what I am studying, i have completely no interest in it. it sucks, big time, really. i need to be motivated. and hopefully, i will wake up my idea and keep going.. there isn't much time left, so friends, encourage me. i need them, no matter how tough i may look. be the one to bother me and keep pushing me. i need to be kicked at my butt.

part 5:

i know I have gotten into too much activities. far too much. that I am unable to cope. i do not know where to start. i wonder if i'm fit for the tasks. they are piling up. its bad. really bad.. all my main coms and exco, why did i start them? what do i really want to achieve out of them? why can't I prioritise? shit!

part 6:

relationship wise, i hit a rock. he is good. i know. everyone knows. it seems like its going strong, but the undercurrents... the society is giving the pressure. i'm afraid I am too young and juvenile. i do not know how to make decisions yet. but now, at least I hope i've made the right one. a promise, it will last a lifetime..




*from now, everything and every decision i make, i will have to think twice. i need to push myself. i need to prioritise. i need to have a good grip of myself, my time, my money, my studies, my activities, my health. my life!*