:: reality check ::

part 1:

I am feeling quite bad, because I'm emotionally down the past week, I did not turn up for certain events that I promised to earlier. Sometimes, I feel that I should inform beforehand, but somehow or rather, I am the "running away" sort of person. The feeling of putting aeroplane is really nasty. I hate it, but am guilty of it.

From now, I promise to inform earlier if I am unable to make it. But for the time being, please "tahan" it.. coz i'm going through a rough patch..

(for your info, if i told you i'm sick, i'm really sick. becoz the weather has been temperamental, and I have been having migraines and colds on an irregular basis the past 2 weeks.. I may "pang seh" without a word, but I never bluff people!)

part 2:

Sometimes, I do not know how to face you. being a friend, its hard to tell you off. No matter how vocal I can be, but its hard to tell you directly if I am really not interested. not answering your calls and msn messages and emails are a way to tell you i'm off the line, and try not to continue "pestering" me with regards to the plan. Like i said, i never bluff people, what I may be interested at the start, I might be a little put off now, so.. get the hint, stop coming close off my back..

part 3:

dragon boating is my passion. I have always wanted to be a healthy boy. I want the tan and dark skin. and to match that, I want a toned body. I am far away from it. i am trying my best to slim down. if you do not have constructive comments to make, then keep it to yourself. don't spoil other's morale. I will do it to prove you you. i have the strong mettle to keep it going. and i will.

the target i set now, is for you to see me in a better shape, by this christmas.

part 4:

unfortunately, I am not catching up on my schoolwork. mental wise, I just do not have the interest. i really am tired. probably because what I am studying, i have completely no interest in it. it sucks, big time, really. i need to be motivated. and hopefully, i will wake up my idea and keep going.. there isn't much time left, so friends, encourage me. i need them, no matter how tough i may look. be the one to bother me and keep pushing me. i need to be kicked at my butt.

part 5:

i know I have gotten into too much activities. far too much. that I am unable to cope. i do not know where to start. i wonder if i'm fit for the tasks. they are piling up. its bad. really bad.. all my main coms and exco, why did i start them? what do i really want to achieve out of them? why can't I prioritise? shit!

part 6:

relationship wise, i hit a rock. he is good. i know. everyone knows. it seems like its going strong, but the undercurrents... the society is giving the pressure. i'm afraid I am too young and juvenile. i do not know how to make decisions yet. but now, at least I hope i've made the right one. a promise, it will last a lifetime..




*from now, everything and every decision i make, i will have to think twice. i need to push myself. i need to prioritise. i need to have a good grip of myself, my time, my money, my studies, my activities, my health. my life!*

:: i want a healthy tan and bod ::

I want a nicer, darker, more beautiful tan. And a better, fitter bod.. I need help on that.. Haha.

:: getting physical ::

i feel abit old. really. was at the gym today. and probably due to 2 consecutive days outside walking around, and quite some straineous activities, i feel worn out. I could not concentrate on the cardio workout, i stopped 1/4 through my exercise. I suddenly did not know what I was doing and what I wanted. I need a physical activities trainer. I need to know how to train properly to lose the fats. I really want to regain the days when i was in army (suddenly seems so long ago and far fetched..) I think i need to know how to train right to attain maximum!

during my laps in the pool, i got tired just after 12 laps.. that was really bad.. 600m onli and i was panting, and my muscles aching.. I don't know what i want and need and can, i guess..

anyone true fitness buff who knows and can assist me?

(six pecs? haha.. i'm dreaming.. a fitter bod will be good enough...)

:: r.e.c.e.s.s.week....?? ::

recess
a time to rest
to look back..

i'm tired
its monday
time flies
before i know it
the week will be gone

i'm guilty of some stuffs
what is it i want
i seem to not to know..

my ultimate aim?
hahahahahaha..
Isaac just lives and let live

hopefully he will be always to lucky!
to get away with things..

*sidetrack*
today was a Epiphany outing with seniors
things didn't really run too well
but we tried our best
to bond all together
and the small little party turned out fun
and everyone bonded!

tmr going to see biennale at city hall n south beach development
with weizhi, andy n ron
hope to enjoy myself!
wonder! its gonna b spectecular, i hope...

:: while the rest of the world... ::

... gets busy with political turmoil..

isaac plans to write a political play.. hahaha...
and tries to avoid politics..

... gets busy with financial crisis...

isaac is also setting himself into a personal financial crisis..
but i doubt anyone would use a bailout to save me..

... has presidents "quitting"

isaac is getting himself overly busy with a million and one things
even if somethings he can't explain..
doesn't know what to do..
feels dumb
gets bored
completely puzzled by plans and arrangement
doubts his own ability and capability
and feels like quitting on some matters..

... has terrorist attacks..

isaac doesn't understand whagt the heck are they thinking..

... financial markets and large company turns over

isaac seems ambivalent
isaac is also neutral to such
he is an idiot, really..

... when the local theatre scene is proceeding

isaac seems to be letting his creativity backflow
and starts to think of ways writing plays with same ideas..
he needs to wake up..

...is troubled over milk

he just wants to make some lame jokes out of the milk brand names..

...is moving on F1 success

he wants to avoid Marina area at all cost this week..

...everyone is enjoying their recess

Isaac is going to be so busy this week
or so he thinks..

...people want a healthier lifestyle

Isaac wants too, but
despite exercising a whole lot
but eats even more
especially at unearthly times
which makes him fat

Isaac wants too many things
but he can't be
and he needs someone to constantly alert him
that he is not superman

someone.. anyone..

miloboi says: "being alone lets you think more,
about the endless possibilities..
and not needing to concern yourself too much
about the feeling..
or what is love, really.."

:: i am sick ::

I am sick
i feel warm
i have a sore throat
but i don't want to miss school
especially since tmr there's jap lesson
and its the last week before recess
i bet it will be a nice comma to end the "term"/"week"..
but i feel bad..

i'm tired
lethargic
sleepy
feverish
sad

:: shows to watch . monetary crisis ::

i need to work for my money soon
if not the way i go
my card will go boom
and the companies will be chasing me like those gangster films..

i need money to pay for many things..
bills.. show tickets.. food..
so many things i want..
so little money..
haiz~

anyways.. here's a list of the shows i'm gonna catch in the following few months..
21 Sept (sun) 8pm - SRT's Boom
4th Oct (Sat) 8pm - A*mei Star Tour Singapore Concert
1st Nov (Sat) 8pm - Lee Hom Music Man Tour Singapore Concert
2nd Nov (Sun) 3pm - Avenue Q
28th Nov (Fri) 4pm - SRT's The Office Party

shows i want to watch..

First week of oct - The Vagina Monologue (By zebra crossings)
18th Oct - Sandy Lam Live in Singapore
25th Oct - Singapore Hits Awards
29th Nov - Lee Guitars All Star Concert
(feat. Emil Chau, Tanya Chua, MayDay, Zhang Zhenyue and Lee zhong shen)
13th Dec - Andy Lau Wonderful World Tour Singapore Concert

place i NEED to go!!
ZOUKout 2008!
yeah!
its coming..

on a sidenote..
i'm forced to join a gym
i hope i will like it
its an investment worth making
but for the sake of the better..
well well..

fats.. fats.. go away..
don't come again another day...
never!!

anyone wana go swimming?
sentosa tanning or running?
gymming?
badminton?
volleyball?
bowling?
ice-skating?
next week!!! recess!~

:: life's little pleasure ::

A gym and swim session, tiring oneself out, working the muscles. Then sit by a simple coffeeplace. Enjoying a nice breakfast of coffee, eggs and kaya toast, before heading for school for a day of straineous brain workout. Hmm.... At least the front part sounds comforting.. Life's simple, unsung pleasures..

:: respect. and some dumb people.. ::

I'm not a blog hopper
only reading some blogs sometimes
i dun really like reading chinese blogs
maybe because its too taxing on me (tiring la..)

so..
it took me sometime to go read this blog on omy
after reading endless recommendations and critiques on this entry from
several local DJs, newswriters, musicians, and friends..

so i decided to read it
and it gave me quite an exciting insight..
if you haven't heard about the spat on the Singapore Blog Awards
organised by OMY
go read this blog and the comments
you will understand the whole issue..

its really worth reading
makes you think..
(great GP study article, in my viewpoint..)

most of the comments are constructive and haas much thought put into them..

my respects to Danny Yeo
i understand where you come from
and blogging is just an avenue to speak your mind
to the "student" well
you are entitled to your "viewpoints" as well
but.. be cautious..

*read the whole article, take your stand on whether Danny is right
then read comments #7, #16, #20 and #135...
amongst others..

:: think too much ::

i suddenly realise whenever i have
some pockets of free time
i would let my imagination run wild
and imagine a million things
take on many different personalities..

i like to think.. think.. of (rubbish)

Anyway, out of the blue,

I realised I have many lifestyle problems…

Then I started listing out…

• I’m very particular abt color combination
• I dun like pple to block my way when I’m walking
• I cannot sleep without my little pillow
• I dun like to sleep early
• I always imagine
• I always roll on my bed for at least 15 minutes,
• before deciding whether I shud wake up
• I am very mischievious
• I brush my teeth for very long
• I'm always quite horny
  
• No right or wrong, only should/should not
• No" need/no need", only "wan/dun wan"
• Happiness is everything
• BIG fan of Murphy, yeah. Ultimate victim of Murphy’s Law
• blah
• blah
• blah
• I
• am
• seeing
• the
• Z monster
• already

Sleepy already… Suddenly very sleepy… I’m going to shut down anytime…

:: moon . The night after ::

Alright. I guess this picture doesn't really do justice.. But the moon tonight is really so much rounder, brighter, yellower.. Very pretty.. But mid autumn festival, whereby the moon would be roundest and prettiest, was yesterday. How funny..

:: up on the hills of ADM ::

Yesterday night, after impresario meeting, which was like really late, we went up the hills of ADM to 提灯笼,　赏月,　游戏,　吃月饼. It was a nice night to interact with the other committee members, play together and know each other. Fun! Anyway, mid autumn festival is tis sunday.. Yay.. More moon cakes!

:: now till then ::

the silence fills up the room
as scholarly souls enter and go
he sits alone at a table
wondering of the things that happen.

years and months and weeks go by
in a blink of an eye
not knowing what happens next
working hard for something unknown.

endless possibilities await
the one who pursues it hard
but each has his own will
but road is not always equal.

he who dreams of one
might be working on yet another
the constant perseverence
does it quintessentially result in the best?

he knows that aspirations
are to be clean forgotten
for he is striving towards another goal
that of the society's.

May happiness be bestowed upon him
that can only be known
if he sees the end result
for he feels forgotten by the world

and because
he has forgotten himself already.

:: insecure ::

i feel so insecure
each time i wear a top
that is slightly not so loose
(u know what i mean)
yes
i'm fat..

i'm trying hard to loose weight..
its hard..
but i'm trying..



really..

:: Elections 2008 ::

Epiphany English and Drama Society
1st Annual General Meeting
was officially held today..

Isaac ran for Special Projects Officer 2 (Artistic Director)
against another candidate of Indian nationality.
and Isaac won!

he is now official the 2nd Artistic Director of
Epiphany Theatre...

to bring it to greater heights!~
Epiphany theatre will soar!
breakthrough!!!

:: i feel invisible ::

Despite my super bright, catchy tee shirt, i walked past people and called their names and they still dun seem to notice my existance. There include my project mate, jc mate, army mate, hall mate, sec sch mate and og mate. Well well. Do i look different today? Or am i invisible? Maybe simply they are blind..

:: its back! ::

Despite leading a healthier lifestyle, but maybe due to more regular consumption of good food.. Isaac's long lost double chin is coming back! Oh no! All my money spent on liposuction late last year is gone! Must Jiayou in jian fei-ing, and eat healthier le..

:: Piling . Troubles ::

i've got everything piling up the way it shouldn't be
and as i look back
I really haven't changed for the better
the way it ought to have gone..
oh no..

troubles are all piling up my way
5 weeks in school and entering the 6th
I am just afraid that I've taken on a little too much!
(once again..)

I've got educational trouble..
organisational trouble..
sports and physical trouble..
monetary trouble..
relationship trouble..

heres a summary..

education troubles:
-project piling up, especially for HW210.. its a sucky project, though it seems essential..
-tutorials.. they are secretly piling up, and I seemed to have missed a lesson or two sometimes..
-thus leading up to missed tutorials and lectures.. notice the s behind? oh no.. how? i need to seek the real importance and the meaning of studies in life for myself and prioritise. plan my life properly..
-and because i've missed the above, the tests coming up will be damn fierce. though it might juz be tests, but things add up, and i hope it will not be in a bad way. I'm going all out to mend these holes, i promise!
-I need to buck up of my school work, desperately..

organisational troubles..
-as u may know,
I have joined a few main committees this year after a bad year in onli sub-committees last year. and as they say, the job is fiercer. oh no.. so the work is really getting heavier and i need to "wake up" my idea and get things done so as to not fail or give up in any of the projects..
anyways, the election for Epiphany main com is tomorrow! yeah! fingers crossed!
(I've currently got CAC JDC and Impresario to take care of.. both PnP posts.. well well)

sports and physical trouble..

-I am fat
-I am unfit
-I've got IPPT coming
-I've not trained well enough..
-I can only run (long distance, not 2.4 n 4X10m..)
-I got tedious dragonboat training which i hope helps.
-i've regular runs thanks to a certain person..
-I am still fat despite trainings and my physiques in not building up.
-i hate that!

monetary troubles...
-really, officially, i am POOR.
-i'm near bankrupt.
-my 4 bank accounts are running on less than 2 or 3 figure sums.
-my three credit cards are running on debts.
-i'm afriad each time the statement comes each months.
-why does time past so fast?
-where am i going to get money to pay
-why am i still in the blur and keep spending endlessly without the constant effort to thrift and spend less despite knowing i HAVE to?
-i am officially a "ka-nu" slave to my cards

relationship troubles:
-for those who do not know
-i've got a 31 year old partner
-who is quite prominent in the circle due to some unspecified reason
-who is desperate to get into a stable "family environment"
-but travels around the world for holiday/work so so often
-and loves sports to much that pressurizes me..
-he is a freakin' 6-pac believer
-and a uber IT professional and closetted entrepreneur wanabe
-who happens to have a military background.
-and is a guy.
-the trouble?
-well..
it is about me acknowledging his existance to my friends
-who might be able to take it, or may be homophobics..
-another challenge:
-he takes care of me too well.
-i feel insecure
-yet he offers a great sense of security
-and now officially wants to have an official "union"
-but it sounds good. but i dun know what will happen next time.
-or even the near future.
-i'm afraid of my poisition in school, friends, family, society...

troubles...

:: stepping over the line ::

I am angry
I biah like siao
and in the end
my championchip did not receive a proper result
lodged a complaint against that to safra..
i'm pissed
really!

:: over ::

for some weird reason
I'm overspending
and tt is a real bad habit which I sincerely wish to inhibit!

I've been a great slave to my credit and debit cards
especially those tt i'm not exactly paying for myself
and the phone (mobile n data) accounts
they are secretly piling up and revealing their "true selves" once a month
and so very often during those few consecutive days
shit!

I am highly depressed
but i can't stop my own urge not to spend so much
(and frivously)
I want to be ahead in times
and i want to enjoy my life
so i keep buying weird things
in terms of computer n tech products
like my new lappie n iphones
which i dun know when can i clear such heavy debts
and then i lost my receipt so i can't claim my adobe photoshop disc
(fucking eightflags in NTU is fucking not negotiable
poor attitude
and no proper solution.. horribel experience!!!!! Fuck you Eightflags!)

and then i have the problem of liking to spend on food and weird entertainment
endless restaurant n cafe purchasers
clothes
CDs
boyzillians waxings and manicures
gym membership (which i hardly use)
and many other crazy things i use to pamper myself
without knowledge if i can really afford them or not

that sucks

anyone care to my financial assistant/advisor?

i must curb my overspending..
but maybe that is what comes with being a guy in modern day singapore.
in a cosmopolitan city
we always dun think so much

or maybe its the credit card phenomenon


anyway
its bad.. really bad..

:: I've got ::

Yup. I've got it. Do you? Muahahaha.. Another contract with Dearie.. Hmm..